From "The Vine"
Last week, I was stressed out. My father had been in the hospital for a couple of days while he was being tested for early dementia, work was especially busy with a project that had to be completed by the end of the week, church responsibilities were weighing on me as I was concerned about Maranatha's year ahead and questioning what I was really contributing to the Mission and Social Justice Commission, my finances were badly suffering, plus my personal relationships seemed frayed and disconnected somehow.
As I was rushing around, I attempted to go over it all line by line in my head. I thought of ways that I could control the situations, the resolutions that were just out of my reach, the activities that I could plan but might fail. I bounced from decision to indecision, solutions to confusion, order to chaos. I wanted to tie up everything in neat little packages with beautiful silk bows, but everything in my brain seemed ripped, crumpled, broken, and in disarray. I thought I was going to lose it.
Standing on the subway platform, waiting for the A train uptown, my head began to pound as thoughts shot into consciousness like a machine gun with a heavy finger on the trigger. I felt as if I was being executed by my own mind, which had simply given up and basically told me that I would not be able to handle it all, that I was out of my league, that I was not going to be able to survive. I squinted my eyes shut, rubbed my temples with my fingers, and let out a tense breath of "God, help me!"
Just a few moments later, the A train rolled into the station. There, framed in one of the subway door windows, a word stitched on the back of a sweatshirt of a guy who happened to be leaning back against the door stopped right in front of me. The word "TRUST" looked out at me. . . . "TRUST" . . . Suddenly a wave of acceptance and relief washed over me in God's answered prayer. All of the "I need to, I should, I've got to, I control, I determine, I must"s melted away in the word God sent me as a loving, tight hug and embrace.
Because I couldn't find peace in my stormy mind, it seems God had to take an express train to say, "TRUST ME! Let go and let ME take care of you. Trust ME because I utterly, unconditionally love you, and I am in complete control. Trust ME and dare to risk everything on my boundless love, on the more than sufficient grace of my Son, Jesus Christ. Just trust ME! TRUST!"
In recent weeks and days, the world itself seems upside-down evoking tornadoes of concern, worry, and lots and lots of stress in all our lives. But, as I was reminded, rather than attempting our own efforts to lasso that which really cannot be contained or controlled, right now is a better time to be grateful and hand over to God all our worries, concerns, stresses, and bewildering thoughts. Then we can step onto the train of life with clear minds, new perspectives, fresh hearts, and simply just TRUST.
