Were the Deer and the Antelope to Play: August 2003

Sent: 8/20/2003 12:12 PM

August 20, 2003

President George Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

VIA FACSIMILE: 202-456-2461

Dear President George,

As your war with words rages forward, I am prompted to write yet another letter, which many of my friends and relatives wonder if you ever actually read. I wonder at democracy.

Many moons ago, you declared war on a word. This multimedia logo-ed, figurative declaration birthed real wars on many countries' shores aside from America's, and each of these wars has caused many, many, many lives to perish because of your historical statement. It is merely your speculation that can attest that it has even saved one single life on the planet since its conception. The loss of life, each with his and her own name, was it for the good? Ultimately, no matter how you weigh the odds, you really do not know. Nevertheless, it is what it is. It cannot be taken back. It has already been placed in all of us. If you read my previous letters to you, then you know where I stood regarding your wars just days after September 11th, 2001, "No more violence." I passed out flyers on the sidewalks of midtown Manhattan with Heaven's declaration: "No more violence." And that is the firm foundation on which I still stand today. Therefore, I shall not belabor that issue any further. You are only beginning to listen.

Literally speaking, you have now declared to legislate the meaning of a word that we, as humanity, use. In hopes to legislate morality. In order to preserve what you define as "right". I wonder at you and words. Have you learned where definitions come from? As certain definitions seem so important to you. Morality, my friend, must come from within. A seeking soul finds it during its life. For no rules and regulations you traditionally conceive and enforce can force it upon humanity. Humanity finds morality through its love of one another. And it is this genuine love that frees us from our laws. You are a Christian. Christ taught that. Generalistic commandments of religions do not teach the masses. For only each individual's love liberates all humanity to true morality. Therein lies utopia. And suddenly I have to stop to wonder, is heaven on earth even your direction?

The word in question? "Marriage." Would it amuse you that I am rather apathetic politically on the subject, as I can hardly trust my government on historical approval of my short life? Except that I was born here. Except that I am of the American race. When thinking of patriotic separating, as far as my American state is concerned, I would rather it be legally termed: "civil unions", among all, heterosexual and homosexual. To celebrate marriage is apart from you. Government shall not dictate a soulful union. It cannot. Nor can it Truly recognize it. The promise of union between two persons is Holy. There is no legislation to prescribe it. So I will not enter into a political fight here. One that is of words and legal benefit definitions. One long and winded and the reason for my apathy towards the system. For ultimately it defines government as a big business more concerned about productivity than humanity. And I know governments decide for many for whom they should care. Therefore, it is time for governments to listen to their children of humanity. The children who have understood to love since being here. And as an American one, I shall speak my individual voice. For me. For all. For freedom.

I am a fragment of life. Chad. Shall it teach you? I can only share what I know. I was born on the banks of the great Mississippi close to where the Pyramid now stands. I was born the color white and the gender male. I cannot be blamed, as I am not responsible, for any actions by people of that color and gender of human living presently or before me. This is my time. As I am my own. I am an individual. There is only one me. And I should be respected for that. Beyond my exterior. I simply live in here. And it lives here, in The United States of America. The country I love most passionately. The country promising life. The country promising my personal pursuit of happiness. The country promising liberty. Oh please assure me that I am not your slave. For hire. As my adulthood feels that way. Money should not make the world go round! Further, I am gay. I do not know how or why, and God has taught me that life is far too short to question it. I am. I am who I am. And I am entitled to that right. I am Christian for I believe in Jesus Christ. The Radical that saved the world. I believe in the Liberation He gave us. I believe in His Love. In His Grace. In that He that allows me to be me, human, just as I am. Innocent, He took my place. Therefore, I love others. As I love Him. That's the point. The exclamation for writing this letter. Love. Love me. Attempt to understand me. And please do not judge me. Do not judge. Your journey is your own. Judgment on me is left to God alone. He said so. This is Chad. An American Poet. Listen.

Dear President George, your recent comments to codify legally something of sanctity are a personal attack on who I have a human right to be in experiencing my freedom in the U.S.A. and further, on this Earth, under God. No other human being, group of individuals, government or religion, can righteously deem me as ungodly or without character for being me. Furthermore, no human being, group of individuals, government or religion, can decree, and therefore restrict, what love means to me. You have no jurisdiction over my promise of commitment and love to another human being, nor do you have the right to negate it if it is made. This is my life under God. And it is for this reason I shall not debate you on this matter politically, as that subjects love to your narrow definitions which, ultimately, you are not Truly allowed to make for anyone. My life’s journey is between me and God. The love I give others is inspired by God. And although I respect you as our President, I will only worship and obey God. For it was Him Who said for you to love Him, to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and to love others as you love yourself. Therefore, your proposed legislation is intolerable as it keeps me from a Divine human right to love and publicly celebrate love, a right to which others are entitled. Therefore if one human is granted governments’ permission to enjoy this freedom, all of humanity is. I urge you to reconsider your path of segregation.

Your desire to define a word for all of us, especially constitutionally, seems a declaration of another of your wars for your good vs. your evil that you do not seem to understand. And there are others understanding of your misdirection. We plead. Mister President, please try to step outside the political game. Life is not a game. None of us is the same, and yet I am not the only individual tired of your wars, exhausted of the unfair system, annoyed with the unjust, dishonest world in which we live today. Our country is supposed to be a democracy. Isn't the majority tired of fighting with one another, exhausted of politics, annoyed with corruption, deception, greed and lies. Isn’t the majority enlightened to love and really ready to live together in honesty and peace? So our lives may just be. May we be? I hope so. For there is so much we can give the world if we are allowed to be. And if that is the knowing of our majority, I hope that as our President, you will listen and represent the country you serve. Otherwise, until power is removed from our human governments' ideal, until money is no longer worshipped as our god, or until there comes a leader with a true heart, compassion for all, ideals of utopia for each, and the passion to make it happen for you and me and everyone on Earth, it would truly be better to have no government at all. For your promotion of this present roadmap of shortcuts to crash us all has me disgusted of this existence. It rides not on faith. It offers no hope. It is void of love. And I do not wish that on any human soul. Especially the newborns! I want us all to go Home. Now is the time for love and honesty to conquer all. This I believe. Truth sets us free.

No one will ever take liberty from humanity again. Even your fearful administration's attempts will not cage our souls from being themselves. God, through time, has seen to that. Even in your fear, George, you live free. You see through the windows of your soul, aside your color, gender, sexuality and spirituality. I, Chad, am allowed the same. We all are. Every human being on Earth has that liberty under God.

So let us go. Set all humanity free. Love us, and allow us to be. For it is love that makes the world go round. “Peace will begin with me” when you love all unconditionally. Listen and you will see. You must see.

And with that final Truth,
I have said my Peace.

God bless the world.

In Love,

Chad Gurley
A New American

Sent: 8/11/2003 12:32 PM

I stole my mother's hairdryer. Vanity was the culprit. Yes, I am so very ashamed to say that it was vanity that caused me to put it in with my things as I was leaving from Arkansas for home without telling her. I didn't need a hairdryer. I have one here in my apartment that works just fine. I just liked the way my mom's hairdryer blew my hair dry. Surely, it would be better for me to shave my head than to have done this. It was empty. It was wrong. It was sin.

As we rode towards the airport, my mind played pictures of it lying there under my clothes, a hidden object taken with no regard to its owner. It showed no love for that other human. And that human is so very dear to me. My guilt kept me dizzy and nauseated, and I dreaded the flight of shame ahead of me. If I had had more honor, I would have thrown it from my bag into her hands at the airport, cried and gotten on my knees to beg for her forgiveness and mercy. But I remained weak, tried to smile, and walked onto the plane wanting to not remember it. Unsuccessfully.

After confessing my sinful tragedy to God, I called Mom today and repented what I had done. I repented most heartfully and sincerely. I cried my remorse. She, of course, was shocked. After all that she has given me, after all that she still gives me, her love most of all, how could I actually walk out of her house with something she had not given me, something that was hers and not mine? My heart sobbed with her truth. I was a sinner. I am a sinner. I sin. Humility surges within me, and I become very aware that I am still a child learning. One blessed lesson after another.

It was just a hairdryer? Oh no. It was something much more than that within my life's story. God sees every moment. Nothing is hid from Him. And there is no way to keep from Him my act of human betrayal, my not loving another in overly loving myself. I remain so very sorry, and I am so very thankful that my mother forgave me. She did not have to. But she did, and I feel such joy from her forgiveness and trust, that I will never steal again. Nor will I take for granted and dishonor the unconditional love of my parents. There is no need for commandments to tell me, "Thou shalt not steal." and "Honor your father and your mother." for I have learned why thanks to the love I am blessed to have from my mother. In my suffocating death in the sin and the resurrection in her forgiveness, I can go forward with the promise I will forever keep with her, it shall not happen ever again.

The lessons are hard

but worth learning.

* * *

Forgive me God.

I am so very sorry.

Continue to trust in me to do what is right,

for I am honestly trying every moment,

and getting closer

closer

even though as human I won't get there here

for it was for Christ to perfect it for Your Good

still I won't stop trying

to get

closer

closer to You

My Love.

In Jesus Christ's Name,

I love You.

Chad

Were the Deer and the Antelope to Play

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

PREACH LOVE : My essay to George

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

PREACH LOVE : white boy

Monday, August 11, 2003

PREACH LOVE : Exhibit A: a hairdryer