Sent: 8/11/2003 12:32 PM
I stole my mother's hairdryer. Vanity was the culprit. Yes, I am so very ashamed to say that it was vanity that caused me to put it in with my things as I was leaving from Arkansas for home without telling her. I didn't need a hairdryer. I have one here in my apartment that works just fine. I just liked the way my mom's hairdryer blew my hair dry. Surely, it would be better for me to shave my head than to have done this. It was empty. It was wrong. It was sin.
As we rode towards the airport, my mind played pictures of it lying there under my clothes, a hidden object taken with no regard to its owner. It showed no love for that other human. And that human is so very dear to me. My guilt kept me dizzy and nauseated, and I dreaded the flight of shame ahead of me. If I had had more honor, I would have thrown it from my bag into her hands at the airport, cried and gotten on my knees to beg for her forgiveness and mercy. But I remained weak, tried to smile, and walked onto the plane wanting to not remember it. Unsuccessfully.
After confessing my sinful tragedy to God, I called Mom today and repented what I had done. I repented most heartfully and sincerely. I cried my remorse. She, of course, was shocked. After all that she has given me, after all that she still gives me, her love most of all, how could I actually walk out of her house with something she had not given me, something that was hers and not mine? My heart sobbed with her truth. I was a sinner. I am a sinner. I sin. Humility surges within me, and I become very aware that I am still a child learning. One blessed lesson after another.
It was just a hairdryer? Oh no. It was something much more than that within my life's story. God sees every moment. Nothing is hid from Him. And there is no way to keep from Him my act of human betrayal, my not loving another in overly loving myself. I remain so very sorry, and I am so very thankful that my mother forgave me. She did not have to. But she did, and I feel such joy from her forgiveness and trust, that I will never steal again. Nor will I take for granted and dishonor the unconditional love of my parents. There is no need for commandments to tell me, "Thou shalt not steal." and "Honor your father and your mother." for I have learned why thanks to the love I am blessed to have from my mother. In my suffocating death in the sin and the resurrection in her forgiveness, I can go forward with the promise I will forever keep with her, it shall not happen ever again.
The lessons are hard
but worth learning.
* * *
Forgive me God.
I am so very sorry.
Continue to trust in me to do what is right,
for I am honestly trying every moment,
and getting closer
closer
even though as human I won't get there here
for it was for Christ to perfect it for Your Good
still I won't stop trying
to get
closer
closer to You
My Love.
In Jesus Christ's Name,
I love You.
Chad
