Sent: 12/20/2005 7:19 PM
i feel as if i might
burst into tears
at any moment.
walking down
the sidewalk,
eyes glazed,
staring off ahead
of me at a blur.
i notice only
the streaks of light
twirling around
the fluorescents
in a kind of dance
of melancholy.
and it seems
always this way.
and it seems that
this is the way
i feel the most comfort,
yet the most discontent.
i hardly remember
what love felt
like anymore.
i can barely remember the joy
of looking into a face
who looked back adoringly.
and yet,
i am not even sure he's
who i am missing or sad for.
i feel that i
have broken
my own heart
somehow.
inadvertently,
i smashed it
with my own unkind words
and scolding.
it's as if i must
abuse grace
to believe it,
or strive for perfection
in ignoring it.
i teeter from one side
to another
unable to find balance.
and this petrifies me
into a place
of complete
and utter
stillness.
i do not
move.
i stand
alone.
and it
is
there
that
i
begin
to cry.
