Sent: 11/30/2006 9:56 PM
TV has become our housekeeper
it hasn't cleaned so good
Thursday, November 30, 2006
ME : turning the tv off
Sent: 11/30/2006 9:55 PM
what if everyone stopped watching the tv, one day?
what if everyone stopped reading the newspaper, one day?
When they only concerned themselves with their own lives;
That day.
what if everyone stopped watching the tv, one day?
what if everyone stopped reading the newspaper, one day?
When they only concerned themselves with their own lives;
That day.
ME : thing
Sent: 11/30/2006 9:50 PM
a little more
a little more something
just a small thing
just the thing
minus
ing
a little more
a little more something
just a small thing
just the thing
minus
ing
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
Poetry : dream on God's shoulder
Sent: 10/4/2006 8:15 PM
dream on God's shoulder
and know
that you are meant
to be
dream on God's shoulder
and know
that you are meant
to be
Monday, September 11, 2006
ME : Dear Uncle Stan
Sent: 9/11/2006 12:05 AM
the thing i remember the most
about you and me
since i first came into birth
was my riding with you
on your motorcycle
back in the seventy somethings
i remember being so scared
yet thrilled
when we were out there
i was safe
on your motorcycle running wild and free
across interstates in every direction
places to be seen and none explored
and you've almost explored every one
you are secure
the thing i know now
is that you
are about to go for a ride
out into the sun setting
just like the movie star
you've always been
to me in my life
and although that makes me sad
i know i'll see you
again
so drive
we're all holding on
to your waist
so drive
love will never let go
i love you
Chad
the thing i remember the most
about you and me
since i first came into birth
was my riding with you
on your motorcycle
back in the seventy somethings
i remember being so scared
yet thrilled
when we were out there
i was safe
on your motorcycle running wild and free
across interstates in every direction
places to be seen and none explored
and you've almost explored every one
you are secure
the thing i know now
is that you
are about to go for a ride
out into the sun setting
just like the movie star
you've always been
to me in my life
and although that makes me sad
i know i'll see you
again
so drive
we're all holding on
to your waist
so drive
love will never let go
i love you
Chad
Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Poetry : man on fire
Sent: 9/6/2006 9:03 PM
i play russian roulette
with my life
because i don't trust God
to take
the next shot
discounting all my worth
nevertheless i still
Believe in You
i play russian roulette
with my life
because i don't trust God
to take
the next shot
discounting all my worth
nevertheless i still
Believe in You
Poetry : polls
Sent: 9/6/2006 8:59 PM
now i don't know much about polls
or what they really want to say
or even who's been asked
but i would be a child left behind
if i was consistently testing in 30s
out of 100
isn't that failing?
now i don't know much about polls
or what they really want to say
or even who's been asked
but i would be a child left behind
if i was consistently testing in 30s
out of 100
isn't that failing?
Poetry : scent
Sent: 9/6/2006 8:54 PM
he splashes cologne
upon his face
and the perfume
lingers
on his hands
fingers
upon my skin
testing
for my pulse
am i breathing?
do you hear
the rhythm
of my heart
beating?
am i still
alive?
and
now I walk
with the sweet
sweet smell
that sweet,
sweet unique
smell
had
all day
he splashes cologne
upon his face
and the perfume
lingers
on his hands
fingers
upon my skin
testing
for my pulse
am i breathing?
do you hear
the rhythm
of my heart
beating?
am i still
alive?
and
now I walk
with the sweet
sweet smell
that sweet,
sweet unique
smell
had
all day
Poetry : alone
Sent: 9/6/2006 8:46 PM
i run my fingers
through these dry
sands of time
just feeling
like crying
feeling lost
like the desert
when that dune buggy
made a wrong turn
so now i'm out here
in this wilderness alone
all
a l o n e
i run my fingers
through these dry
sands of time
just feeling
like crying
feeling lost
like the desert
when that dune buggy
made a wrong turn
so now i'm out here
in this wilderness alone
all
a l o n e
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
ME : Dear Leonardo
Sent: 7/10/2006 11:44 AM
what can i say now?
what do i tell you
now that you aren't here?
what does this world
look like, really?
who really
understands my tears?
questions.
and you said
we should live them.
but you stopped.
and i don't know what
to do with that.
i'm lonely.
i'm broken.
i'm searching.
i'm afraid.
my faith is shaken
to its core.
and i don't know
what to do with that.
i'm lost.
i'm in great pain.
you were my best friend.
my best friend.
i know people don't say that
after the fourth grade,
still
you were my best friend.
My only brother.
My always.
The one who got me.
That one person on this Earth
who really gets me.
Understood the words
coming out of my mouth
whether quiet or loud.
We whispered about
our cosmic connection,
that fateful day
the subway doors slid open;
my destiny finding
you waiting for me there
and we knew we would
always be together.
i thought we would,
always be together.
Leonardo and Chad.
Oh my Leonardo!
My Soulmate.
My One.
Who i missed out on.
Within my personal
confessional,
i would say
that the resounding
answered 'why?'
must be
that i wasn't there
for you.
i allowed
my own suffering
and depression
to drown me
so much so
that I missed
your call.
and you missed
my call.
and we missed
calls
all the way
around.
Damn!
Fuck!
i let you down.
please please
forgive me.
so now missed calls
are replaced
with missing you
missing our magical
Peter Pan companionship,
playing together
as adult children
all these ten years
we shared
in our twenties
and just a little
beyond.
in life
you did
inspire me
so much:
to understand and embrace:
the fun of climbing trees
and trekking along wooded trails.
the humor of our innate silliness
in making funny faces, clownish gestures,
and speaking in cartoonish voices.
the freedom of somersaults and handstands
in the crowded sheep's meadow
no matter who was watching.
the ecstacy of movement,
expressing feeling through dance.
the confidence of staring
across a room towards another
reaching for your eyes.
the great importance of accepting
a loving touch.
the creativity in drawing
outside the lines of convention
and tradition.
the silent disruption
of wearing torn disealed jeans
while conferencing with
suits of the republic of bananas.
the necessity of standing
up for ourselves,
debating those
who say we are wrong.
the sheer and utter joy
of wearing dresses without any shame.
the fulfillment in my finally
accepting the girl in me.
i felt us grow together
as you nourished a new me
away from the timid, self-hating
little boy you first met.
i grew
in your learning me to express myself
as an individual.
i grew
as you taught me to accept
exactly what i am feeling,
without the shoulds or should nots.
i grew
as you showed me that anger
is a worthy emotion
to be embraced and used for good.
i grew
as you broke down those walls within myself,
silencing the harsh voices
who said i shouldn't be.
i grew
because you demonstrated to me
that we can be,
we have dignity,
so i have the right to be me.
i grew
because you gave me
the courage to live.
and now you've died.
and i don't know what
to do with that.
i'm confused.
i'm hopeless.
i'm abandoned.
i'm angry
because i feel
like you cheated me,
that you cheated you.
everything i learned from you
i guess you were still learning too.
but there was so much more
growing we had left to do.
Yet you were ready to end your dance.
through playing with chance.
the time was up,
the pain too great to bear,
the tears exhausted,
so you made your exit.
and that makes sad
so very, very sad,
so that i don't know what
to do anymore.
i'm stagnant.
i'm empty.
for i love you so much.
you must know
that i love you.
you must know,
i love you so much.
did you doubt it?
did you believe
that you were not
loved?
did you think
i wouldn't notice
your absence?
did you forget
my eternal love
for you?
well if you remember,
then meet me again
someday,
back in fourth grade,
my best friend,
i'll wait out
on baseball's right field
sitting in the grass
picking at clover
for no one is hitting
out here
except maybe you
and we will talk
and talk
and listen
and listen
and talk
and listen
and then
we'll laugh
just before becoming silent
at your finding
our four leaf clover,
then we’ll escape together
over the hedge
long before
the game is over.
next time.
i will miss you so much
until the next time.
Love,
Chad
~ Dedicated to Leonardo Smith, 10/12/1972 - 06/05/2006
what can i say now?
what do i tell you
now that you aren't here?
what does this world
look like, really?
who really
understands my tears?
questions.
and you said
we should live them.
but you stopped.
and i don't know what
to do with that.
i'm lonely.
i'm broken.
i'm searching.
i'm afraid.
my faith is shaken
to its core.
and i don't know
what to do with that.
i'm lost.
i'm in great pain.
you were my best friend.
my best friend.
i know people don't say that
after the fourth grade,
still
you were my best friend.
My only brother.
My always.
The one who got me.
That one person on this Earth
who really gets me.
Understood the words
coming out of my mouth
whether quiet or loud.
We whispered about
our cosmic connection,
that fateful day
the subway doors slid open;
my destiny finding
you waiting for me there
and we knew we would
always be together.
i thought we would,
always be together.
Leonardo and Chad.
Oh my Leonardo!
My Soulmate.
My One.
Who i missed out on.
Within my personal
confessional,
i would say
that the resounding
answered 'why?'
must be
that i wasn't there
for you.
i allowed
my own suffering
and depression
to drown me
so much so
that I missed
your call.
and you missed
my call.
and we missed
calls
all the way
around.
Damn!
Fuck!
i let you down.
please please
forgive me.
so now missed calls
are replaced
with missing you
missing our magical
Peter Pan companionship,
playing together
as adult children
all these ten years
we shared
in our twenties
and just a little
beyond.
in life
you did
inspire me
so much:
to understand and embrace:
the fun of climbing trees
and trekking along wooded trails.
the humor of our innate silliness
in making funny faces, clownish gestures,
and speaking in cartoonish voices.
the freedom of somersaults and handstands
in the crowded sheep's meadow
no matter who was watching.
the ecstacy of movement,
expressing feeling through dance.
the confidence of staring
across a room towards another
reaching for your eyes.
the great importance of accepting
a loving touch.
the creativity in drawing
outside the lines of convention
and tradition.
the silent disruption
of wearing torn disealed jeans
while conferencing with
suits of the republic of bananas.
the necessity of standing
up for ourselves,
debating those
who say we are wrong.
the sheer and utter joy
of wearing dresses without any shame.
the fulfillment in my finally
accepting the girl in me.
i felt us grow together
as you nourished a new me
away from the timid, self-hating
little boy you first met.
i grew
in your learning me to express myself
as an individual.
i grew
as you taught me to accept
exactly what i am feeling,
without the shoulds or should nots.
i grew
as you showed me that anger
is a worthy emotion
to be embraced and used for good.
i grew
as you broke down those walls within myself,
silencing the harsh voices
who said i shouldn't be.
i grew
because you demonstrated to me
that we can be,
we have dignity,
so i have the right to be me.
i grew
because you gave me
the courage to live.
and now you've died.
and i don't know what
to do with that.
i'm confused.
i'm hopeless.
i'm abandoned.
i'm angry
because i feel
like you cheated me,
that you cheated you.
everything i learned from you
i guess you were still learning too.
but there was so much more
growing we had left to do.
Yet you were ready to end your dance.
through playing with chance.
the time was up,
the pain too great to bear,
the tears exhausted,
so you made your exit.
and that makes sad
so very, very sad,
so that i don't know what
to do anymore.
i'm stagnant.
i'm empty.
for i love you so much.
you must know
that i love you.
you must know,
i love you so much.
did you doubt it?
did you believe
that you were not
loved?
did you think
i wouldn't notice
your absence?
did you forget
my eternal love
for you?
well if you remember,
then meet me again
someday,
back in fourth grade,
my best friend,
i'll wait out
on baseball's right field
sitting in the grass
picking at clover
for no one is hitting
out here
except maybe you
and we will talk
and talk
and listen
and listen
and talk
and listen
and then
we'll laugh
just before becoming silent
at your finding
our four leaf clover,
then we’ll escape together
over the hedge
long before
the game is over.
next time.
i will miss you so much
until the next time.
Love,
Chad
~ Dedicated to Leonardo Smith, 10/12/1972 - 06/05/2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
ME : The Central Park Horse
Sent: 4/30/2006 10:42 PM
does anyone think about the Horse
lined up along Central Park South?
looking, seeing
into the windsheilds
of taxis flying by
waiting for a slap
on the behind
living
but not the life
running, flying
through
the wooded
hills
there must be
something more
than the life of a central
parked horse
tied up
and bound
with blinders looking
towards a mirrior
of the tailgate
before her
He only listens
to the touch
on his ass
as to when
to begin walking
so he should be
starting
instead of simply
being a slave
within a cemit
concrete
statue
prohibited from
galloping
in wide open spaces
hearing, singing songs
of running the stampede
through Your Open Door
horses running
wild and free
and held in Arms
Loving without reigns
God, let that Central Park
Horse
be stretched
out
across
the wide
green and blue
towards
the orange
blazing sun.
Son
does anyone think about the Horse
lined up along Central Park South?
looking, seeing
into the windsheilds
of taxis flying by
waiting for a slap
on the behind
living
but not the life
running, flying
through
the wooded
hills
there must be
something more
than the life of a central
parked horse
tied up
and bound
with blinders looking
towards a mirrior
of the tailgate
before her
He only listens
to the touch
on his ass
as to when
to begin walking
so he should be
starting
instead of simply
being a slave
within a cemit
concrete
statue
prohibited from
galloping
in wide open spaces
hearing, singing songs
of running the stampede
through Your Open Door
horses running
wild and free
and held in Arms
Loving without reigns
God, let that Central Park
Horse
be stretched
out
across
the wide
green and blue
towards
the orange
blazing sun.
Son
Thursday, April 20, 2006
ME : not about land
Sent: 4/20/2006 8:41 PM
it's not about land
it is not about that land
it's about the land
upon your heart
do you think smart
it's about the field
of you
that you plow
and grow
and harvest
guided by the Gardner
it's not about land
it is not about any land
it's about the Earth
within your heart
rumble grumble
you begin to start
now run
it's not about land
it is not about that land
it's about the land
upon your heart
do you think smart
it's about the field
of you
that you plow
and grow
and harvest
guided by the Gardner
it's not about land
it is not about any land
it's about the Earth
within your heart
rumble grumble
you begin to start
now run
Saturday, April 15, 2006
ME : Prayer is all about Love.
Sent: 4/15/2006 6:10 PM
Prayer is all about Love.
So just listen,
and call out,
accept the Love,
God pours out for you.
There's no reason to argue
over prayer.
We all call out.
And still always,
the Love of God,
we receive.
Happy Easter!
He Is Risen!
Prayer is all about Love.
So just listen,
and call out,
accept the Love,
God pours out for you.
There's no reason to argue
over prayer.
We all call out.
And still always,
the Love of God,
we receive.
Happy Easter!
He Is Risen!
Friday, April 14, 2006
ME : strawberries
Sent: 4/14/2006 11:19 PM
i remember fresh strawberries
right off the field
red plump and busty
smothered in icing
sugar and cream
i look today at slicied
and diced straw
berries on an dessert
plate looking
like mere
cabbage
i remember fresh strawberries
right off the field
red plump and busty
smothered in icing
sugar and cream
i look today at slicied
and diced straw
berries on an dessert
plate looking
like mere
cabbage
ME : flake snow
Sent: 4/14/2006 11:10 PM
flake
snow
fall
unique
each
one
flake
snow
fall
steps
misteps
fall
snow
fall
blow
around
pushed
pulled
this
way
or
another
until
finally
found
uniquely
here
flake
snow
fall
unique
each
one
flake
snow
fall
steps
misteps
fall
snow
fall
blow
around
pushed
pulled
this
way
or
another
until
finally
found
uniquely
here
Thursday, April 6, 2006
ME : birds
Sent: 4/6/2006 9:47 PM
As I lay looking up
towards my tent's roof
and listen to the radiator
whiz and hiss,
I long for those days
as a child in Arkansas,
with my body resting
on a grass green bed
where my Mother Earth kissed.
Looking far off
into the night black sky,
looking up to the stars
then reflecting in my mind
with closed eyes,
I hear the chirps,
sneezes,
and melodies
of another kind.
Their conversation
is fascinating
as they call
to one another,
their rhythm
divine;
beats
of nature
resound
in their
voices.
and then
a transition
As I lay looking up
towards my tent's roof
and listen to the radiator
whiz and hiss,
I long for those days
as a child in Arkansas,
with my body resting
on a grass green bed
where my Mother Earth kissed.
Looking far off
into the night black sky,
looking up to the stars
then reflecting in my mind
with closed eyes,
I hear the chirps,
sneezes,
and melodies
of another kind.
Their conversation
is fascinating
as they call
to one another,
their rhythm
divine;
beats
of nature
resound
in their
voices.
and then
a transition
ME : before it's gone
Sent: 4/6/2006 9:43 PM
you got to stop sitting back into it
and start walking it
see the adventure of life
know it
before it's gone
you got to stop sitting back into it
and start walking it
see the adventure of life
know it
before it's gone
ME : beautiful today
Sent: 4/6/2006 9:40 PM
that was beautiful today
walking through the tomb
an empty baptismal pool
the last time i walk
through those waters
was when i was eleven
and into a new life for me
that was beautiful today
walking through the tomb
an empty baptismal pool
the last time i walk
through those waters
was when i was eleven
and into a new life for me
ME : Alright
Sent: 4/6/2006 9:33 PM
i'm my shadow looking for the real me,
searching outside the clouds for the sun
who's there for me.
i'm gray reaching for the light
hoping and praying for true sight,
and i'm the black that completely agrees
that together we'd make more colors
than seen.
i'm a bit of both,
the black and the white,
so i'm me
and to God
that's Alright.
i'm my shadow looking for the real me,
searching outside the clouds for the sun
who's there for me.
i'm gray reaching for the light
hoping and praying for true sight,
and i'm the black that completely agrees
that together we'd make more colors
than seen.
i'm a bit of both,
the black and the white,
so i'm me
and to God
that's Alright.
Wednesday, February 8, 2006
ME : kissing
Sent: 2/8/2006 12:05 AM
i miss kissing
it was so long ago
the last time
a while far behind
where my anxious stare
at pale red to pucker
hoped for invitation
then drew into acceptance
and touched warm
tasting new dew drops
of honeysuckle nectar
beaded across the lace
of mint julep leaves
my grazing rolling hills
of the horizon
meeting the sun
carefully
leaving
pink
i miss kissing
it was so long ago
the last time
a while far behind
where my anxious stare
at pale red to pucker
hoped for invitation
then drew into acceptance
and touched warm
tasting new dew drops
of honeysuckle nectar
beaded across the lace
of mint julep leaves
my grazing rolling hills
of the horizon
meeting the sun
carefully
leaving
pink
Monday, February 6, 2006
ME : batting on things
Sent: 2/6/2006 10:10 PM
i'm a sweaty ten
flushed red cheeks
white knickers
with padding
and my heart
is racing
pounding
batting
on things.
i knew
i'd never be
a baseball player
like mama and daddy
encouraged so
hitting homeruns
shortstopping hits
in left field
sand was far
from my eyes
as i searched
for the fourleaf clover
in the sunlit patch
hoping to receive
a sign of luck
the chance that life
was truly more
than just a game
and still now
many years later
with frozen pink cheeks
as white hairs grow
over a cold hole
in the ice
all around
frozen water
and me fishing
i suddenly realize
i'm still batting
on things
struggling to take
the risk of hitting the ball
it flying high by
me not concious
of the web
catching behind
yet now I see
for a reason
i'm just trying
to find that
perfect pitch
to me
the pitch
the break
the smash
that would make me
bat it out of the park
the one that would be
a full homerun
i just need to know
which
pitch
is
the
bite
i'm a sweaty ten
flushed red cheeks
white knickers
with padding
and my heart
is racing
pounding
batting
on things.
i knew
i'd never be
a baseball player
like mama and daddy
encouraged so
hitting homeruns
shortstopping hits
in left field
sand was far
from my eyes
as i searched
for the fourleaf clover
in the sunlit patch
hoping to receive
a sign of luck
the chance that life
was truly more
than just a game
and still now
many years later
with frozen pink cheeks
as white hairs grow
over a cold hole
in the ice
all around
frozen water
and me fishing
i suddenly realize
i'm still batting
on things
struggling to take
the risk of hitting the ball
it flying high by
me not concious
of the web
catching behind
yet now I see
for a reason
i'm just trying
to find that
perfect pitch
to me
the pitch
the break
the smash
that would make me
bat it out of the park
the one that would be
a full homerun
i just need to know
which
pitch
is
the
bite
Sunday, February 5, 2006
ME : life preserver
Sent: 2/5/2006 8:07 PM
i spent most of my life
angry with God
over everything
i thought was wrong
with my life
until i realized
that it is perfect
in God's Eyes,
thanks to Jesus Christ:
my Life Preserver
i spent most of my life
angry with God
over everything
i thought was wrong
with my life
until i realized
that it is perfect
in God's Eyes,
thanks to Jesus Christ:
my Life Preserver
ME : Jesus Prays
Sent: 2/5/2006 7:38 PM
Jesus kneels by His bedside every night
and prays for every single name
who called to Him
for His Father.
Jesus kneels by His bedside every night
and prays for every single name
who called to Him
for His Father.
ME : sickness
Sent: 2/5/2006 7:22 PM
is our nature
from birth
we die
struggling
against time's
current
but remember
there's something
much more
than nature
in human
is our nature
from birth
we die
struggling
against time's
current
but remember
there's something
much more
than nature
in human
Monday, January 2, 2006
ME : deal with it
Sent: 1/2/2006 10:22 PM
it's the silence that startles me
the quiet that seems so unfamiliar
because now i can hardly deal with it
i become bored and melancholy at the
lack of change which haunts my abode
it's the silence that startles me
the quiet that seems so unfamiliar
because now i can hardly deal with it
i become bored and melancholy at the
lack of change which haunts my abode
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