WORD : i write thought

Sent: 10/21/2003 11:49 AM


i write thought
and with it you will find
that little piece of your mind
that thinks like mine
in your way

which I love.

WORD : i didn't go

Sent: 10/19/2003 11:53 AM

I didn't go to church today. I actually woke up from a two-day slumber. I fell asleep on Friday night, and didn't really wake until Sunday afternoon. My lips were blue. My gums were white. My eyes were faded. My skin cracked white. I have been drowning in thoughts as of late. Unconsciousness has seemed my only relief. The anniversary of September 11th has me looking at everything in my life with particular peculiar interest. And I like it. Yet its intensity. But it's different than before. And change is hard. Another year has fallen on a sword. And where am I? Where am I?

I was in the shower, my thoughts swept around me in the mist. My hands massaged shampoo in my hair, my thoughts poured into my ears. Life, life, life. I cried aloud, "My God, help me or I shall go mad." ===> Live, live, live.

I didn't go to church today. I actually woke up from a two-day sleep. Smiling, shining, the Son was in the sky, when I did decide to venture outside from under my stagnant warm covers. Leaves scratched the pavement's itch as pushed along by their invisible force. Wind. Fall. It was time for falling. Leaves me but not forgotten. That before is gone. That after is just beginning. Wind. Fall. New. Thank God for New.

And then I knew. That's where I am. New.

WORD : Today was breezy

Sent: 10/7/2003 12:24 PM


Today was breezy,
chilly air crisps,
tanned green leaves crisping,
round my sweatered being;
fall is in the air,
and something new is
breezing
in.

WORD : unguarded

Sent: 10/7/2003 12:22 PM

never before have i wanted to be out there before you as i do now. i don't know why. maybe it's because i've finally begun to allow that of myself. i have been guarded as of late. many angels have flung to my side. i have been blessed. and i am thankful. it is time for me to come unto truth. in fully as is me. the truth me. i can stand for myself. i am enough. enough. and it is good. so good. Good.

WORD : i guess i'm talkin now

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:40 PM


i guess i'm talkin now
i guess i'm telling all
the good news
i guess i'm talkin now
i guess i'm telling all
great news

news flash it's here
news flash wake up
the good news
news flash it's happening
news flash sleep no more
great news

it's here

loving is real
loving is tight
loving is unique here
new here
different here
real here

loving is trying to know
loving is trying to sow
loving is hoping for love
love here
heaven here
real here

loving is winning the war
loving is living truth
loving is believing in being you
you here
beautiful here
real here

it's here

i guess i'm talkin now
i guess i'm telling all
the good news
i guess i'm talkin now
i guess i'm telling all
great news

news flash it's here
news flash open wide
the good news
news flash it's clear and true
news flash heal all the blue
great news

it's real
it's wonderful
and it's

here.

WORD : been far away

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:38 PM

I have been away from you for a long time. Far away. You have read my poetry and have tried to make sense of it, I guess. Perhaps. Perhaps it's read. I hope. But my journal.

Well, it seems, and is, years ago that I used to write in this journal so diligently, telling you my every thought. From writing of September 11th to something like a little drama with Verizon over our phone, you have seen a very real part of me. Of my life. I'm blessed to have you along for the journey. Thank you.

After I had written so much, and basically assumed that I had failed, as so many of my causes go undone, I began to pity myself. And others. It is unfortunate that I could become some jaded by all that has happened so quickly within the past few years. The machine didn't even seem to sputter. Everything churns along. The Iraq war went right on as thought, even hoped by some. Almost forgotten is the war on Afghanistan. Oh yes, September 11th is being called out left and right for so many different opinions, I had almost forgotten the day. The actual day. That day. The day it happened. It's hazed by swiftly layered political agendas. Seeking anything from power to money to revenge to fear. America. God help it.

Pouting. I can't help but pout and fume over you little country. New little country. Brand new little country. The blanket of red, white, and blue is not so old. If you are anxious to splash into history, it would be wise to read some and learn from mistakes. Oh, and goo goo you, you do have great promise. Just be careful your tread. Pout. Pout. fume.

I was swept up in watching the present American agenda continue its course towards its seeming oblivion. Alienation doesn't seem common sense when masses of aliens can be destructed. Who's on Mars? Watch your country. And yet it still arrogantly makes newer nukes while murdering so that one other little country doesn't have them. One little group. One single person. Billions of dollars in defense of one person in fear of his breeding more. Who's the alien? The Roman Empire is about to fall.

And yet I said all I thought I could say. No one was listening anyway. I felt as though I was speaking in a digital field in the vast of the pasture late at black night with not a human being in walking distance. So what was the use? Why should I care anymore? Nothing is changing. In fact, it only seems to be getting worse. I don't see any change. Real change in higher places in this world.

I have been away from you for a long time. Far away. You have read my poetry and have tried to make sense of it, I guess. Perhaps. Perhaps it's read. I hope. But my journal.

Well, this is what I'm feeling right now. I've been gurgling. Now I'm going to speak. And my first words. My first words.

WORD : mysterious meetings

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:35 PM

I had to buy a lightbulb for my kitchen. Otherwise, how was I supposed to do all those dishes that I had left since it burned out. I walked up the street to Duane Reade. I happened to locate some chocolate on my way to the light, so I pulled some from the shelf. I approached the line with bulbs and chocolate in hand. There was one woman before me. The clerk finished the transaction and offered the lady her change. She said, "Have a good day," as the lady put her change in her wallet, and pulled her merchandise from the counter. The clerk looked over at me. "Well, hello there!" She began laughing and smiling. "How are you doing?" I wondered if she knew me. She took one of my items and scanned them. There was a beep and the cash register chomped and chewed. "My God, you are so tall. You make me feel like a little midget over here." I laughed, "No, no. I'm too tall." She smiled and scanned the other item. "No, no. You are just right. Let me see your eyes." I leaned in forward, and she smiled. "You have beautiful eyes." Thank you. "Thank you." I gave her the cost, and she returned my receipt, change, and bag. "Have a great day." "You too!" I said before walking towards the door. "You too."

Mysterious meetings moving me.

WORD : you don't understand me

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:33 PM


you don't understand me
you don't give me a chance
you think i'm wrong
you think i'm all screwed up
you don't understand me
you don't give me a chance

to be me
let me be me

you want me to change me
you want me to be different
you know i'm weird
you know i'm strange
you want to change me
you want me to be different

than me
than me being me

you always have something to say
you always push me further
you pull my attention
you pull my libido
you always have something you want
you always force me farther

from me
from me as me

you win every fight being right
you win every battle being in it
you turn me inside
you turn me out
you win every right for the fight
you win every death in the battle

with me
with me for me

you war with me
you war with me
with me
to win me
to win me?

you don't understand me
you just want to dance
you think i'm crazy
you think i think too much
you don't understand me
you don't, i don't think you will

know me
know me i'm me

or don't

WORD : hu man

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:31 PM


what is this member
of me that salutes
without my telling
it to

what is this member
of me being male
that acts on its own
aside me

what is this member
of my human team
tackling homeruns
with me

this member is a part
of my whole
who i restrain and let lead
me

hu man.

WORD : find

Sent: 10/6/2003 2:28 PM


Oh how you've got me
you hold me
you rock me
you find me
when you seek me
and you do
oh how you do
do you do
what i seek
what i freaky
meek
and so i trek
to the set
finding the characters
which are lost in this
play with your toys
find your little
that little
you know the little
try
just try
you can surely find
find
you will
find
you will
find
see what you seek
find
it's find

find

it's find
me