Sent: 3/17/2004 10:20 PM
Dear All,
Back in August 2003, I didn't see a lot of need to send this to you. I was naive, or perhaps ever hopeful, to think that it could, would, should ever come to this, and yet, here it is. Here is this moment when the world hangs in a very precarious balance of love and hate. Love seems breaking into a flow, though it's far away from fully so. Compassion begins flickering. All the while, hatred seems rapid from ocean to ocean. Violence is continually birthed. It's the moment America can be Christ's Nation, unconditionally loving of every individual voice, or a Pharisaical Empire enforcing a traditional "morality" absent of true spirituality. Ultimately, it is the moment that I must be me, and tell who I am. Perhaps you'll see from behind my eyes.
Some of you might not understand what it is like to live in a world where you are hated. And yet, many of you face it every single day, for whatever that reason society hates you. I am hated. For much of my life, I was hated by myself. Intensely. My childhood was filled with a deep, sorrowful loathsomeness for me being me. And ironic that it was because of what religion taught me. Should it be religion that would make a child want to die? To leave this life before it began because I was made "wrong"? Religion taught me much, but thank God the Holy Spirit enlightened me with the spiritual gifts of Wisdom and Grace.
Therefore, I am blessed to be gay. Honestly, I never thought that I would ever say that. And it's assuring that it now comes so easily. I am so truly blessed. This very hard journey has certainly been worth the amazing views. If it had ever been a choice, I had always said that I would never choose this; however, now at this moment, I would not change one thing. I thank God for some unanswered prayers.
Alas, even in my acceptance of myself, I do still live in this human society which detests me. Further, recently, more torrents of fuel have been poured on its fire of abhorrence. And this is why I write you, because at this very moment there is a violent attack on me and other gay and lesbian persons gaining a great deal of momentum and force. It is an attack, that if successful, would strip me of worth as a human being in the world's society because of who I happen to be. It is venomous hatred in utter ignorance. It is a movement using religion to damn me here on earth, nevertheless my afterlife. It is completely void of Love. It is judgment at its most evil. And it is NOT Christian.
They may say that my love of another is a horror. They can charge me with laws of nature. They do accuse me of being wicked. Yet love leads me as it always has. And God has taught me to stop trying to change that. He allows me to be me, just as I am. He'll never stop loving me. As He won't stop loving you.
As you can read, squelching this unjust movement is very important to me. And while I am not asking for you to become my advocates, although that is an ideal, I am needing and asking for your support and love. And if that perhaps is more than you are able at this time, more than anything, I do ask that when you are in the midst of all this talk, when words are thrown in blistering beats, stop and remember me for a moment. I am your family, your friend full of Love, and I am being persecuted. Every word spoken to oppress those that are like me also oppresses me. I beg you to pray to God before you join in speaking their rhythm. Change happens within, so I cry to your soul. From this mountaintop, I'm shouting from my heart to yours. I am Chad. Help me.
Below I have reprinted the letter I wrote to President Bush in August of 2003 when there was first mention of a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. These are my thoughts on what is moving forward. Ultimately, you may agree or disagree, and I judge you not for your decision. Nevertheless, I do hope that you'll at least open your heart in attempts to understand.
I love you,
Chad
