BEGINNINGS : Testing 1.2.3

Sent: 9/26/2001 11:05 PM

So you are going to be my guiena pig, okay? I hope you don't mind. See I'm going to get a little crazy right now, and you are invited along for the ride. Buckle your seat belt. Please keep all arms and legs inside the cart at all times. (Yeah right.) Let's go. off.

Where was I? I'm sorry. I had to pop out for a moment and change the music to something a little more writeable. No. That was writeable too, but it just didn't have the same effect. It kept leading me into some movie score that I'm not ready to share just yet. So this is a little lighter.

Ahhh. But you caught me there. Nothing is really much lighter these days. I hate that I'm saying that, "these days". It's so gross. Nevertheless, it's true. We are having these days. But that's okay, because someday, they'll be THOSE days! Thank God when we get there. The grass is always greener.

It could be though. Really. If we all start really loving each other, then we could get somewhere. If we all started loving each other, then the grass could be a lot greener - everywhere! What do we have to do to get everyone to love each other? I know we have it in us! Let's let love out of the closet and spread a little around. Paint the town red with love!

You know what helps me. Every single person I see daily, I imagine their life, what's going on today, where are they going, who is their family, what did they just buy at the supermarket? Are they having a dinner party? What was the whipped cream for? Was she sad? Had something gone wrong? etc.? And suddenly, that blank face that I used to see every day becomes an actual person. Amazingly, I can find myself overcome with emotion for them. So strong, that I find myself wanting to hug a complete stranger.

Some may say that I'm crazy. I say, then let me be crazy. I want this world to be everything we all want it to be. I want this world to be a true democracy where every global citizen has a say in what's going on in the world. It's the only way our planet will survive. And we can get there now! We don't have to wait until aliens come and attack us, and we all join as "humans" to defend the world. NO!!! Let's start loving each other now - because we want to! It's just so much better. It makes me smile. Peace on Earth. Can't it happen?

I don't know what else to say today. I doubt that anyone reads this anyway. I don't know. I still like doing it. It journals my thoughts which toss and turn. And in watching the toss and turn, I can find the place of still waters.

BEGINNINGS : God's Hand

Sent: 9/25/2001 11:43 PM

These past two weeks feel frought with mistakes. Perhaps the mistakes themselves are exactly what needs to happen, but still, I can't help but feel disappointed by my misgivings. And in that disappointment, I search around for someone's support. Who is it? Who can lift me up from my lowest of lows?

You'll never guess. I actually found it a little surprising myself - pleasantly surprised, mind you - well, it's God, that's who. He has a plan for me. I know it. I believe it. He's seemed close to me during all of this. A warmth that erupted confidence in my soul. This little light of mine. I'm going to let it shine.

As the days pass though, the winter winds are nipping their way through the city. That plan, for whom the confidence was birthed, is seeming unclear to me. What's God's purpose for me? I have no idea what it could be. And in having no idea, my doubts begin to sweat. Is it an igloo's suana in here, or is it just me? Before I know it, I'm soaked and confused and wondering about everything and everyOne.

But patience my son. Life is made of countless days to those who believe. Savour each one.

BEGINNINGS : NYC Willows

Sent: 9/25/2001 12:27 AM

beaten down by blistering drops of rain. Steel sheets of rain beaten down. that's what these past two weeks have felt like. there was a really bad storm here in New York City. you've read about it or have seen it on TV. we got hit pretty hard. a hurricane of sorts. many, many depressed surviours.

it passed though. thankfully. the earth is bruised by the winds and rain, but we're okay somehow. Willows, i suppose, lifting from the flood, shaking out our arms, checking to see if every leaf is accounted for. it's a little willow dance, what we do now. You see us. You see us on TV. we swing our branches, parading around in the masks of the people we thought we were only three weeks ago. we stifle this amazingly bright soul that is trying to burn through all the masks we have layered it with, over the years. if. if only I could help him take off a couple. what keeps me from my soul?

alas it is true. (You see that on TV too:) we're all still crouched, a little unsure of the next thunderstorm brewing above us. you see, we all know that lightening really has struck in the same place twice. we look towards the storm above while we crouch. after a prayer, we close our eyes: Now, we wait and see what tomorrow will bring.

BEGINNINGS : Heart

Sent: 9/19/2001 2:11 AM

I only write what's on my heart, so I hope you'll forgive me if you are at all sensitive to what it's saying.

"What a difference a day makes - just 24 little hours ago."

It's a line from a song off the Run Lola Run movie score. Unfortunately, it isn't on the CD, but I hear it in my head, so it's okay.

My night last night was most unusual. After getting in a discussion, that crouched on heated, with my professor of the Structure and Style writing class I was taking, I was a little depressed. Depressed mostly because I felt like I was being misunderstood. Frustrated because I didn't know how to help him see my perspective. But content on the fact that we were to learn something from one another during the conversation.

I left feeling a little sad though. And I walked through the New York City streets wanting everyone around me to NOT feel the sadness that I felt. Everyone should be feeling joy, is what I assumed. And so I spent the entire evening getting home. It took me three hours to get home last night, but they were the best three hours of my life so far. And all because of some strangers that I got to know along the way. Very wonderful.

I love you all! God bless,

BEGINNINGS : ACTION

Sent: 9/16/2001 10:22 PM

STOP - THINK ABOUT IT - DO YOU WANT WAR? IF YOUR ANSWER IS NO, THEN TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN ABOUT IT. DO YOU WANT JUSTICE? IF YOUR ANSWER IS YES, THEN TELL YOUR CONGRESSMAN ABOUT IT. TELL THE POWERS THAT BE EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. THEY NEED YOUR HELP! HELP.

BEGINNINGS : Please, no more violence

Sent: 9/15/2001 6:08 PM

September 14, 2001

President George Bush

The White House

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20500

VIA FACSIMILE: 202-456-2461

Dear President Bush:

‘No more violence.’ These are the words I have been crying since waking on Tuesday morning in my apartment in Queens, New York, as I tripped upon the smell of death lofting from downtown Manhattan. No more violence.

I am filled with a sense of complete isolation from the rest of my country. With empathy, I understand why citizens across America are grave with sadness and anger; however, as a strong country, we have the power to be merciful, a god-like attribute hard to conceive in these moments of intense anger and hatred.

We need to call for a New America. An America that is a great country of sensibility, passion, and mercy. Please help in stopping this swift retaliation that seems the right vindication to so many Americans who are thinking out of anger and despair. Help us be the strong, merciful America, that is slow in its reactions, mature in its decisions, and above all, loving of ALL humanity.

What happened in New York City and Washington D.C. should never happen again, anywhere in the world. I wish this pain I feel on no other global citizen. I want to believe that my country will realize that violence of any kind, “good or evil”, must stop here, with us.

Be strong, feel love, show mercy,

Chad Gurley

A New American

Americans for Global Peace

BEGINNINGS : gRoSs

Sent: 9/6/2001 11:02 AM

We live on the 5th floor, the top floor, of our apartment complex. Just a stair-climb away is the door to the roof. Our roof is a very large U shape with 3 other roof-access doors besides ours. The reason I'm providing this rather boring information is in hopes that you can visualize our apartment building because of the story I'm about to tell. Clear?

Last week, Leonardo and I were going up on the roof to enjoy the beautiful weather that we have been blessed with lately. As we climbed the stairs, we noticed a disgusting smell - that smell of a port-a-potty after it's been in use all day beside a street fair. Then, noses filled with nausea, we saw it. It was on the top landing just below the door. You see, someone (and it's definitely a someONE and not a someTHING) had used the bathroom, Number 2 in our stairwell. And this specimen was not left there by a child either - it was definitely adult poop.

Thankfully, Leonardo opted to clean it up only to tell me later that it was also maggot infested. Yes, YUCK! We were both shocked that someone would do that at all. Perhaps someone was drunk and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, but still, in OUR stairwell?? It was disturbing.

But wait, it gets worse. You see, it happened again THIS week. As I was leaving work yesterday, I noticed toliet paper deliberately thrown on the stairs that leads to the roof, a paper trail, and as I peered around the corner towards the roof's door, there IT was, again. It seems that someone is doing this on purpose. It seems that this is malicious in nature. We're being shit on - literally.

So now we're a little scared and perplexed. Who is doing this? And why?

BEGINNINGS : Rumblings

Sent: 9/4/2001 2:44 PM

Well, here I am, back at work. It's rained a little today which was surprising since the morning was so clear and sunny. I guess, in life a little rain must fall.

Let's see, what have I been up to? Well, work has been extremely busy with classes starting this week. I'm trying to manage quite a few projects. Also, my writing class starts on Thursday which is exciting. Hopefully, it will keep me really busy, that way I won't have time to focus on some things. What things? Oh, wouldn't you like to know.

This weekend was relaxing. I actually met someone :o). Of course, I have convinced myself that I have ruined it already, which may or may not be the case. The fact is, I've got to chill out! God, why is that so hard for me to do? Why do I have to think everything into the ground. I don't think it's healthy.

In any case, that's all I have to say for now. I'll update you on that someone if that someone becomes a someone eventually.