FLIGHT : Knew Songs

Sent: 8/31/2002 3:31 PM

There's something awesome to be said for a song that you can listen to over and over again at different places in your life with very unique listenings each time. There is one such song to which I listen sung by Jude on the City of Angels Soundtrack which I bought many years ago. The song is called, "I know" and is absolutely beautiful hopeful empathy.

When I first heard the song, I was at a place in life very shy of hope. I remember chirping it to myself, as to motivate me forward in my journey. I pulled myself away from the ledge while encouraging myself, "I know you Chad and understand. And even if you're feeling worthless, I promise that we're going to make it through this life. Just don't give up. I'm here for you."

Apricot and raspberry leaves fallen and sprung green later, I found myself listening to Jude's song again. As my voice searched the words, I found my heart was different. Having grown since the first listening, I discovered this time I was singing "I know" for one of my best friends. The music within me longed for her to see the beauty that she is, wanting her to blossom into her own with confidence; all the while completely understanding the woes that are always along the way, having felt those myself.

Frosty snows and beachy sands weathers again, now, here, weeping happily, I sit listening to Jude's "I know" another time. The enlightening flower. The Voice I hear singing this music leaves me in awe. For this time I hear God singing "I know" to me, and it's uncaptured in its petaled perfection. The music sunshowers as I hear God's most amazing loving song. The truth swells. He knows me, He loves me, He understands as He remembers through Christ exactly how it felt to be human, and He endearingly nudges me forward on the path He is guiding.

"I know you Chad and understand. Wipe those tears, My son. You are worthy. Praise and thanks be to your Brother Christ. I promise you will make it, for We're going to make it through together. No giving up, for you're not alone. I AM here for you. Always. I love you. Forever."

FLIGHT : You know

Sent: 8/30/2002 10:22 PM

Today seems a day of discovery, as my neighbor, singer, Annie found something new within her that she didn't have before. Continually growing.

I was sitting on the roof reading my meditation for today as the sun peaked out from dark clouds to the west. The meditation said something about going deep into the waters of God, utopia never reaching the shore, continually reaching deeper. I found myself quite content on what I must do, the next step I should take, the direction. Amidst this moment, I began praising God and then asking for His forgiveness for being doubtful. Praise and repent. Trying to justify my actions left me floundering, until I finally said, "You know." Blessings as I realized that He really does know. He knows me inside and out. He knows what I mean before I speak it. "You know."

And then He smiled at me and said, "And now you know."

The sunlight kissed my cheek.

I know.

FLIGHT : Days like today

Sent: 8/28/2002 4:54 PM


Days like today
I can only imagine play
although everyone tells
that's not what sells

FLIGHT : Return from Vacation

Sent: 8/26/2002 4:29 PM


Annoyed by situation
Dismayed by circumstance
Purple crayon seeming broken
Tired feet no longer dance

All seems hopeless
All seems dark

* * *

Upon return from my foggy vacation,
It's final hours quick in evaporating,
I am hopelessly exhausted to discover
The sameness that is still my reality.

Ironic
That as I sat on the airplane returning,
I restlessly mourned the thought of
Some change that was to happen.
And yet now within the return,
I discover I grieved the change of
Nothing.

Everything has stayed the nauseating same.

Policies' papers still left to be pushed about my work desk.
Polluted, negative air still adrift for me to breathe.
Lonesomeness still habiting under my covers.

I cry against all the sameness.
Wishing for different.
Praying for something more.

Muted struggles within my noisy mind
Reek havoc on my system,
Shutting me down.
My grief turns to slumber,
And in subconscious,
I find some safety from
The demons ever plaguing.

But eventually, I will wake,
and the sameness will still be.

My patience is wearing thin,
And I'm left searching for the
Window of escape.

* * *

If you were to ask me, Are you glad to be back?
I would have to ask you, To what?

Certainly there are things that I am happy to which to return;
However, there are those things that exist that I would gladly remain in vacation from.

Do you ever look around you and wonder
If you are spinning your wheels, wondering
If you are going forward at all in this life?

Do you ever lift your eyes to Heaven and
Ask the Father, Won't you please give me a clue?

Am I so blind that I do not see the progress I have made,
Or am I so discontented with the now that all the progress seems for naught?

Questions.

So many questions I face upon returning from the vacation.
If I had known that these questions were waiting,
I might have not come back.

Troubled times.
Troubled soul.

I wonder why I am here again,
And if I shan't be here,
then where am I to be?

Help me, dear Lord. Help me.

FLIGHT : Clouds

Sent: 8/23/2002 10:30 PM


Memories as a nine year old child
Plaid shirt back against the trampoline
Wide eyes to the royal blue sky
Bright white clouds floating by

Frame by frame captures an instant
My heart and mind unite to listen
As my Father plays with me and comforts
Through His heavenward illustrations

God's picture show provides inspiration
For my little soul in warmth glistens
Imagination brightly growing brighter
I see the things He has brought to bestow

FLIGHT : Money rips round me

Sent: 8/6/2002 2:06 PM


Slithering round
with effervescent apples
he coils my torso
rips my throat
stares in my eye

Slippery tongue enunciates

"My apples are nourishing
knowledge born materials
materials born happiness
a small price to pay
when you pay nothing now"

Sensibly reasonable
I think therefore am
more thinking
therefore
must lead
to an even Greater I am.

My human grabs, "I'll take your fruit
and think of all there is to know."

His fanged smile
widely inviting
sold me knowledge
scrumptious but foul
filling but empty
nauseating education

Studied how to repeat
hisstory
Learned me his reality

My spirit jolts in this horror

Credit he issued
for payment much later
no need to worry
right now


then.


Constricting green
with dollared scales
the boa sucks my life of passion
knifes my wrists
deflates my spirit

Whitely fanged smirk

"Your time now to pay
worth more dead
than alive
a larger price to pay
when you have nothing now"

Deathly original
hisstory's payment is due
with zeros
on every
single
individual, prices are spewed

My spirit prays, “Gracious Heavenly
Father, forgive me my debts.”

World’s master of inequity
escalates his interest
raises my price-tag
tightens his grip
reduces my value
roots in his evil
drains oil from my light

Enlightened by God’s
Plan
Ignited by Christ’s Love.

My spirit hallelujah’s in this Freedom

Repentance Christ gave
for all human hisstory
It is what He
died for

now.

* * *

When everyone eats apples,
and we are taught to eat apples,
how does one Truly defeat the
serpent?