PREACH LOVE : a prayer for help

Sent: 11/24/2002 1:49 PM

And then I look to God, always.

Help me dear Lord, as I walk this path that You have lead me. Let me do it justice and beauty for Your glory and Name.

Oh help me, as I grow weak, strengthen me. Keep me on Your path always. Never let me tarry. Push and guide me along as You see fit. Do not leave it to my human hands, for You have saved me and know beyond me what You shall accomplish through me. Do not let me forsake You or cause harm in Your Holy Name. Be with me always, Father.

I am afraid. I want so much to succeed for You, and the fear of not doing so plagues me. Release me that so I may succeed. Grant me confidence without any arrogance. Give me the gift of wisdom that I may more easily discern my choices. Allow me to be a leader which is humble and giving.

Hear my prayer oh God, Jehovah Father. I love you eternally.

In Jesus Christ's name I pray.

Chad

PREACH LOVE : Racial Slurs

Sent: 11/21/2002 5:18 PM

Performed at the Bowery Poetry Club Open Mic, Spring 2003

"you smoke nigger cigarettes?"
he says, pulling one from my fingertips
excuse me?
he deserved a red hard slap
but so repulsed
i could only laugh
i guess so
no, i know so
i frankly tell him
i have a nigger's soul
his wide blue eyes pop pop
the cracker's in some sort shock
he crumbles: that can't be

sad little cock
my feathers look your flock
and yet my truth
blocked your despicable
disgusting mock
See him reaching for his lock
in order to protect his stock
stupid fuck
just stop
stop
stop
stop
no more


i'm just me
held in a human body
outward colored whitely
enslaved to your reality
where judged harshly by humanity
especially here in the Land of the Free
where the ideal life
is what they dictate it to be
as the powers' majority
determine normality
prescribe what is sanity
segregate spiritualities
all the while maintaining
their own color scheme

furthermore
(on my soap box standing)
they say I'm just a number
unless I'm a gifted in currency
own a lot of worldly property
and have a stellar credit rating
d.) none of which is me

oh
and that's not to mention
preaching to me
the proper penile entry
thinking they have a say
in MY sexuality
no, please
please
please
please


are you sorry asked for a cancer stick?
i'm sorry that you seem like such a dick
your comment just made me so -
ill
for when you went barking
up the wrong tree
all of your deathly neg-ativity
sucked forth some rage
set loose a tangent from its cage
from deep inside me
about all these transgressions
repeating offensively
and, if for nothing else
thanks for reminding me

so, i guess you're of the majority
that obviously doesn't see what I see
through my own movie screen
as it premiers the reality i'm living
day after day after day after day
no matter what you label or say
in fact, why not shout it again loudly
idealistic Chad is crazy
i honestly don't care
for in your world of complexity
i'm still pledging to be
the impassioned simplicity
of just me, just loving
loving
loving
loving


me unconditionally loving
each and all my human kin
anything else is simply sin
it doesn't matter what color skin
or even what lies deep within
your racial slur deeply offends
yet even now you're still my friend
but i'm not going to sit here
and try to pretend
I agree with your bigotry

for truly every single face
in every single place
is equal
closed case
so enough with your competitive race
feel love and believe
God's Given Grace
Grace
Grace
Grace
that splashed into my empty space


yes, this is me, my all
earnestly thin and tall
dancing in my life's ball
with my own many special
stumbles and falls

yep, this is me, my all
my very own unique call
which, to my lungs appall
but just at the moment
happens to involve
menthol

PREACH LOVE : dear friend

Sent: 11/14/2002 11:40 AM


devour yourself in your own lustrous waste
looking for love in all the wrong place
i wonder why you spend the time you do
in looking for something that hasn't found you
yet

your day is coming so leave enough alone
why the desperation of waiting for the phone
jumping to connections isn't your best suit
for wearing to a party made of heavenly duets
perhaps

but i just jibber and jabber away
and perhaps you think I have nothing to say
nonsense makes no sense when you start to think
wallpaper on desktop is light green and pink
alas

you laugh but it's true
these things i'm telling you

PREACH LOVE : Anger2

Sent: 11/14/2002 11:37 AM


why am i angry
at all that i see
is there something
i'm not seeing
lying within me

why am i angry
at my friend and neighbor
am i right and they're wrong
when i play the
sole spectator

why am i angry
when i shall not judge
when i am not perfect
and lack much
from Above


nevertheless
what's real is
i'm angry


what feels angry
is the injustice I see
every day jealousy
every way hypocrisy
selfishness in
the all about me

what feels angry
is the feeling in me
when it is discounted
what i do see
all around me
and simply because
i am me

what feels angry
is my feeling angry
at myself, I, and me
this earthly positioning
my worldly circumstance
folly


i'm angry cause
the world
it reeks


gotta change

PREACH LOVE : Chance

Sent: 11/14/2002 11:19 AM


Golly jeepers, geez louise
it's you again
up underneath my sleeves
telling your story
dictating it real
spinning your web
in order to appeal
master brainwasher
you're selling some lies
for i know you
beneath that disguise
Don't fool me
with your preaching love
only to turn
and give me the shove
Listen
I forgive you for leaving
I even forgive you for stealing
but don't bust up my brothers
with your willing and dealing
making a damn mockery
of our loving charity
for God knows you
from cavity to cavity

and with the same severity
so will I be judged
I pray for God's mercy
from Heaven above

If you're taking the chance
to roll the dice
beware the price

so just
love

PREACH LOVE : Love thee

Sent: 11/8/2002 11:43 PM


Everybody's sinning
when you are pretending
to be anything else
than just being yourself
as God made you to be
And through Christ set you free

Love thee

Best be repenting
for you're sure enough sinning
when your hatred is winning
and love seems descending
for God so loved you
That He granted you the Key

Love thee

Love thee
He knows you
Love thee
He loves you
Love thee
He forgives you
Love thee

Now love

PREACH LOVE : Save me from myself

Sent: 11/8/2002 11:41 AM


Save me from myself
as old depression
seeks me out

Instead of being in the now
he sneaks back
to yesteryear

Lonesome sighs at lack of
sightly accomplishment
hoped for

dreamed of

The Father reminds me
"All in good time"
His time

Frowning childishly
impatient in now
selfishly I want

He giggles tousling my hair
waves a smile
from my frown

Lighten up.

PREACH LOVE : coldloneliness

Sent: 11/8/2002 11:38 AM


The cold
that sneaks under my covers
pricks my toes
crackles my throat
has arrived

The loneliness
that married me as companion
haunts my sleep
wrestles my libido
has remained

PREACH LOVE : comfort food

Sent: 11/7/2002 2:32 PM

The crisp blue winds tonight pushed me, pulled me, and raised me towards the occasional pink reflected clouds caught in a swift stream of their own. I wondered what all the chaos was about as I walked home starlit in a whirlwind of autumn colored leaves. I was coming from a little diner where I had dinner - a western omelet with cheddar cheese, french fries, whole wheat toast, and a tall, iced coco-cola. Comfort food. My comfort food.

Lately, I haven't felt so comfortable. I've been dealing with that guilt that only I can induce upon myself. After many repeated trips and stumbles, I scorn, 'Can't you do anything right, Chad?' and I shudder in my feeling doubt that I can. Granted, truth be told, that is a learned question; however, today, it resonates with my voice, so I cannot toss the blame. Still the feeling remains, and I wonder where my confidence has vacationed.

Trying.

Praying.

Faithing.

Hoping.

Loving.

PREACH LOVE : She had a walker

Sent: 11/7/2002 2:29 PM

She had a walker

He had a cane

They were before me

In line to vote

Yesterday

I voted just up the block in the elementary school directly across the street from the nursing home. When I walked into the school's cafeteria, I was amazed by all the tables, numbers, and people with walkers, oh my. There was very slow movement around the sign-in tables of each district. I had to chuckle. I thought it was going to be better for me to vote during the day rather than around closing time. I hadn't factored in the nursing home residents. A very small lady with deep glasses and white hair was wandering aimlessly about the tall army green voting booth machines looking back and forth from her voter registration card to the numbers taped onto the elderly machines. It did seem confusing, and I quickly pondered my senility.

A nice suited guy with a florescent green sticker seemed to scream, I'm information, ask me, so I did, and he pointed me in the right direction of where my district's voting booths were. I was amazed at how many districts were set up to vote in this one place. I walked to the table and stood in line to sign in. Beyond the booth, a woman being assisted by her nurse threw her walker the full arms length in front of her and quickly slid in behind it trying to get out of the way of the next voter. She cringed as she attempted to scuttle past another woman's rear almost blocking her escape path. Finally, the nurse helped her around, and the next voter walked into the booth. This was going to be a long but entertaining process.

When I did get to vote, I couldn't get over the city's voting booths. These seeming 50's x-ray machines were priceless. There certainly was a kind of childlike curiosity in stepping inside the black curtains, while the woman assisting cranks a lever turning on a little white light bulb on the top just above the green one. And it was kind of fun to pull the big red lever like a gear shift with a clang and clank and then start flipping manual switches, making my selections. And I did get a good laugh from the old woman who came into my booth with the woman assisting in order to help me figure all this out to begin with. AND, honestly, there was even some glee when I pulled the big red lever back over to complete my vote with a big thadud. But then really, with the technology we have today!!!

All in all, I left the elementary school feeling really good about voting. I had no idea how it was going to turn out, but I had made my choices along with the others flowing in and out of the school. I just remember, no matter who gets the job, we the people are still the boss. For real democracy doesn't begin and end in a voting booth.

PREACH LOVE : Outside my Window

Sent: 11/4/2002 11:19 AM

And of course I spelled his name wrong. A poem for a very beautiful soul, and I spelled his name wrong in the copy I sent him via e-mail. I immediately shudder thinking he will be offended or worse, hurt. And true, I have yet to hear.

Those were the days when the pipes clanged as the temperature dropped. An orchestra of heating sounded throughout the cove of my apartment building. Beyond my window, wind chimes softly greeted me, although there happens the occasion where the wind plays those like clanging pipes as well. Different music for different moments. Transitions between.

Leon was furious with me for being late to meet him and Frank to pick up the uhaul. I was certainly hating it as well. So many sorries today. So many apologies for my so many blunders of today. These seem harsh bumps in the road. I pray they make me stronger.

PREACH LOVE : Giuliano

Sent: 11/4/2002 11:11 AM


"Giuliano"

When moonbeams dance across your eyelashes
Like fingers twirling along an ebony and ivory floor
The light in your soft brown eyes warmly twinkles
Before you leap onto the winds of heaven to soar