CHAPTER 2 : Slow down!!!

Sent: 2/26/2002 1:27 PM

It was Friday night, a little after 12:00 a.m. Leon, 'Sunbeam' , and I piled into a cab after briefly visiting a lounge in the Flat-Iron district. After giving our cabby the directions, off he sped us towards our destination. Racing.

Somewhere along the way, at car-chasing speeds, our cab came to a screeching halt behind a car who had pulled over to the side of the road. Leon, Sunbeam and I, all went crashing into the plastic wall separating us from the driver. Our cabby was fuming. His face, a bright red. He pulled up next to the other person's car. His anger screamed at the man who had stopped in front of us, "Next time you are going to stop, put on your &%#ing hazards, *&#$ !!!!!!"

I couldn't stand it. "And YOU could SLOW DOWN!" I called to our driver after pulling my face from his plastic divider.

Slow down.

Really, what's the hurry?

CHAPTER 2 : Wings of Wonderful

Sent: 2/25/2002 5:38 PM

I haven't known for a while what to write. In fact, I still don't. Nevertheless, I did want to let you know that I'm feeling great. Some wonderful things are happening in all of our lives. I just sense it. I don't know about you, but I'm going to grab hold and see where they take me.

CHAPTER 2 : Dear God

Sent: 2/18/2002 9:54 PM

Where are You? I'm disheartened and lost. I'm trying to help, only to find myself slammed into another wall of the world. The world provides so many walls. Where are Your openings? Where are Your streams of golden glory? I would run fast to them, if only I could see them. Oh, if only I could have glimpses of Your rays bursting through the cracks in the world, illuminating the dark alleys of my journey!

And, alas, there is where my faith lacks. Why must I SEE these flecks of light? Why must they be so bright, Doubting Thomas? They ARE there. My human sight is not that good. My faith should be.

Oh, God, I'm so saddened that my kindess has left me in suffering. I'm in deep sorrow. I want so much to believe that, in the beginning, it all has a purpose. Please say that it does! I believe that it does.

How hard for us humans to understand! Oh how difficult for us to see the divine! Our scope is far too narrow, and it is painstaking in widening it.

Nevertheless, it must widen.

Tears is what I cry for. Tears. I need an emotional release. I need a doorway from myself. I need my pain to escape me. Please give it the routes. Sail it away. Along the wrinkles round my eyes, across the flushed plains of my cheek, over the horizon of my jaw. Sail.

***

Amazing, your peace comes so quickly.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You are my love forever.

Chad

CHAPTER 2 : Frown to Smile

Sent: 2/16/2002 9:41 PM

Thank God for good friends. You know?

My tuneless week ended on a good note thanks to my best friend and roommate Leon. Frown to Smile. Last night, we ordered a pizza and had an all-out, get your feelings on the kitchen table, bitching session about our horrible weeks at work (what a relief to get some of THAT off my chest), then contemplated crashing the party that was going on next door ("LTS PARTY" magic markered across a sheet of typing paper was stuck to his door), then (after deciding that since we weren't invited to his little 'lts party' that it must be boring) watched a movie. It may not sound like the most happenin' night of the year, but I have to say, I had a damn good time.

If you live in New York, were you outside today? I hope so, because it was like a beautiful spring day. The sun was so warm and the breezes were only slightly chilled. Crystal clear bright. It was a very bright, clear day. Today, Leon and I went to the park and walked around letting our feet carry us where they will. We played like we were fourth graders whose moms dropped them off at the park to play for the afternoon. Over fences. Up rocks. Down grass.

Leon suffered a scar from trying to climb a big birch tree. I was his boost. =)

He is my boost.

Again, thank God for good friends!

CHAPTER 2 : "In Love" =)

Sent: 2/14/2002 7:39 PM

Merlot wrote: "You say, 'Open, honest, and in love.' In love with who/what, and how do know? You don't have to answer, I just wonder how you know and can sound so sure of it.?"

----------------------------------------

Of course I'll answer! =)

Through Christ: =) I'm in love with humanity. I don't know what it is, but I have fallen madly in love with humanity!!! After the tragedy here, I have never been able to look at people the same as I did before. I see everyone through loving eyes. It's so weird!!! Seriously!

The old man on the subway reading his newspaper. His eyes partially closed as he leans forward almost into sleep. He is beautiful to me.

The nasty clerk at the local pharmacy who sneered at me as I fumbled through my wallet for correct change. She's definitely got the same problems as me. I can't help but love her.

The young lady rushing down the street with a cell phone in one hand and papers in another. She satillites frantically to someone. Her energy has me head over heels.

That's not to mention all of you who read this crazy shit! How could I not love YOU!!!! Absolutely IN LOVE.

=)

Look around you!

There's lots of loving to do. ;-)

CHAPTER 2 : Thursday

Sent: 2/11/2002 10:34 PM

I was walking down the hallway today, and a graduate student in our program stopped me and asked, "Hey Chad, what are your plans for Thursday?"

Thursday? Golly, what was Thursday? Did I have any plans for Thursday?

"I guess nothing," I said, "Why do you ask?"

"It's Valentine's Day silly! Are you going to do something special on Valentine's Day like when you dressed up in the Winnie-the-Pooh costume for Halloween?"

Valentine's Day!!! I had forgotten all about Valentine's Day coming up. Ugh. Okay, honestly, my initial reaction to Valentine's Day is that it's just another one of those holidays that has been so over commercialized that it's actually caused harm for the true intention of the day. Shopping bags laced with the words "Love for Sale" actually cause me to become nauseated.

As this grad student looked on waiting for my response as to whether or not she could expect Chad's craziness on Valentine's Day, I offered her a 'well-you-never-know' shrug and got into the elevator smiling.

Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I may not be a big red heart on Thursday, but I think I will wear one on my sleeve. Open, honest, and in love.

CHAPTER 2 : Daydreams

Sent: 2/9/2002 5:41 PM

Remember those things? Daydreams? Had any lately? The good ones, I mean.

When I was in the 5th grade, during Mrs. Barker's Math class, I had the craziest daydream. I don't even remember what she was teaching me.

You see, there was a buzzing in my ear. And, as if on cue, I rushed over to the window and opened it. All the kids looked at me like I was crazy. Mrs. Barker yelled, "Chad, sit down!"

And then suddenly, there he was. Flying to the window was Superman (Christopher Reeves, of course)!!! Everyone was stunned . . . except for me. Floating at the window, he opened his arms and smiled, "Chad, jump", and I jumped into them. Then, as Mrs. Barker and all my other classmates looked on, Superman flew me towards the moon. I was smiling so big.

"What's so amusing, Chad?" Mrs. Barker said.

EVERYTHING!

Don't forget to daydream. ;-)

CHAPTER 2 : Something WRONG with this picture

Sent: 2/6/2002 1:03 PM

The New York Times reported on Sunday that a credit card company is doing a promotion at the World Economic Forum which is being held at the Waldorf=Astoria here in NYC this week. This credit card company has set up a little booth just beyond the meeting rooms there where they are hoping to pick up some pretty important new customers. The promotion offers those attending the conference a complimentary $100.00 (!) on a pre-paid credit card in hopes that these powerful, already rich, people would appreciate the $100.00 gift so much that they would switch from whatever credit card they are currently using to this particular credit card company. Nevertheless, even if they decide not to enroll with this company, the $100.00 is still theirs to spend, that is, if these people even bother to stop by the booth to pick up their card. (What's $100.00 to these mega-millionaires?)

Now, let's do the math. There are approximately 3,000 attendees at this conference, which means this company is GIVING AWAY over $300,000 to the richest people in the world.

The New York Times reporter asked if Bill Gates had picked up his card, and the credit card company's spokeperson stated that she was not allowed to release that information to the press.

Then the reporter asked what the credit card company planned to do with the money that was not picked up by these attendees, if any:

She stated that the credit card company was going to donate whatever is not retrieved by the World Economic Forum attendees to those small businesses in the World Trade Center area who were affected by the September 11th attack.

Um. Can you spot the ludicrousness???

CHAPTER 2 : Windy Dew

Sent: 2/4/2002 11:26 PM

New York City was filled with "Winds of Change", as authors sometimes call it, this past Friday. Every air pocket seemed speedily misdirected and confusedly chaotic. Trash cans were being pushed up sidewalks. Leaves littered around me in a twister. Chicago? Winds of change, as Nezerly left to return there - the real windy city. Her life was being swept up in these winds! How were the winds to affect mine? I'm still uncertain. But there is a newness beyond the winds of Friday. There seems a still. Another rest. Silently creeps the dawn. Dew.