Sent: 1/16/2002 11:38 PM
I know. I do know.
I know what alone feels like. I feel alone a lot. In fact, as I type this, I feel so very alone. Like no one understands me. Like no one "gets" me. Like I wonder if anyone ever will. I sit and talk with people; I see them not listening, I hear them not understanding. Like I wonder if anyone will. Someday, but in this lifetime?
Ah, but it's the feeling of alone that I feel now that makes me so sad. It is this feeling of alone now that pushes all hope aside for the moment. How troublesome to think that I might be destined for this life alone! Of course, if that is what must be, then so be it. Nevertheless, alas, it makes me so sad just the same.
For oh how wonderful the feeling must be to wrap someone in your arms and hold and know! Oh how wonderful this feeling must be to want to share every single part of your body and soul with another! Oh how wonderful! Oh how I long for it!!!
Hmmmmm. There is a foul taste to that longing. That longing seems to have taken higher priority than it should. Perhaps it is this longing that keeps this wonderful feeling at arms length from me. Yes, the very thing that I want may be kept from me to teach me a life lesson.
But, yuck. I'm tired of lessons! Haven't I learned enough?
Not nearly enough.
