FLIGHT : Dribble

Sent: 4/23/2002 7:16 PM

Confidence. It's that thing that slips in and out on me. Sometimes I have it. Sometimes its very hard for me to find within me. It's a never ceasing pendulum. At the moment it has swung to not-confident-at-all. Ugh. I hate it when I'm there. And I find myself spending most of my time trying to figure out what exactly it is that's causing me to feel so insecure. Every question endlessly dribbles in my head. But no matter, the answer remains the same. I'm feeling timid and scared and so not confident. I wonder, has God forgotten all about me?

Faith says He's closer than ever. =)

FLIGHT : Plant, Pet, Pal?

Sent: 4/17/2002 7:18 PM

Our houseplants are doing so good here. I'm really excited about that. I never really knew if I could keep a plant until now. And not only cacti, smarty-pants! We have some other house plants thriving too. Very cool.

Leon and I were talking about it the other night while admiring our little bamboo tree. We thought about that movie "28 days" when they said that before you even think about having a relationship, first get a plant and see if you can keep it alive for a certain amount of time (I think, 9 months?), then get a pet of some sort and keep it alive for another certain amount of time (was it another 9+) and THEN you can think about a "honey".

Whew! So we've survived the plants. Now where's that damn kitten?

FLIGHT : love a.d.

Sent: 4/16/2002 7:09 PM

love a.d.

What does that say to you?
I hope it says something. =)

"love." Smile.

My eyes have been opened to an all-inclusive, unconditional love.
Love like I've never known.

Love that's always true.

Ironic that I spent most of my life not loving myself enough to accept such an amazing
love. Why did I feel so unworthy?

Prayers answered later, I love me.

Then comes the tight-rope balancing act of loving myself enough but not too much.
For there lies the straight and narrow path.

For when loving me, I can Truly love others.

Oh, and that Love that I was talking about: It makes me feel so good that I want to
love others. Not because He commanded me,

But because I LOVE sharing it.

love a.d.

What does that say to you?

FLIGHT : Emergency Beautiful Day

Sent: 4/16/2002 2:49 PM

It is the most beautiful day today, and I'll tell you what, I'm NOT excited that I'm spending it behind a desk shuffling paper. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for my job; however, on gorgeous days like today, I feel so jailed by this cubicle. When do the inmates get to frolic in the sun? Leon said that we should have Emergency Beautiful Days. You know, kind of like snow days, except even better. When the weather is divine, and all anyone wants to do is be out in it, then there should be an "Emergency Beautiful Day" announcement canceling school, canceling work, and allowing everyone have a free day to kick up their heels in nature's embrace! A great idea, dontcha think?

FLIGHT : Here, Kitty-kitty

Sent: 4/14/2002 4:03 PM

Well, Leon and I are having a disasterous time trying to find a kitten here in the city, which surprises me, for just when I was home in Arkansas, a stray kitten was being cared for by my sister and her roommates. Here in the city, kitten adoption is far more cumbersome. There are forms to be filled out, references to be checked, interviews and meetings. Argh!

How many hoops does one have to jump through to give a kitty an amazingly good home?

FLIGHT : The Light

Sent: 4/12/2002 11:42 PM

I'm suffering some pretty deep bruises from my friend, Mark, who, after the previous e-mail, continued to strike some powerful blows. Nevertheless, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still standing. I'm believing in me. I'm believing in Christ. And even through my black and blue eye, I can still see the light.

FLIGHT : Conversations with Christian Literary Agents

Sent: 4/11/2002 8:11 PM

Dearest Chad,

Agree to disagree, what a cop out, there is only one truth, their cannot be two truths! Romans 3:10

Are we not our brothers keeper? YES Read 1 Corinthians chapter 5 and especially verses 12 & 13 & Genesis 4:9

Either I am wrong and you have a responsibility to correct me, or you are wrong and I will do my best to correct you. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Are you an abstinent Gay? Or are you sexually active outside of marriage, be it straight or gay? Are you currently walking in sin, or are youcleansed from all un-righteousness? 1 John 1:7-10

No one person and/or no group keeps any one be them gay and lesbian from coming to Christ. God himself keeps people from coming to Christ. Read John 6:44 & Romans 18-24

As for your request regarding "let my controller read" it for himself so as to have the seed of Christ's love planted in his heart. Please know, that we continually do just that very thing here in sharing God's love through the gospel of Jesus Christ. As a practicing and professing Christian, I have welcomed our controller with open arms and he has become my friend. He is completely aware that I believe our Lord has called his choice of sexual gratification "sin", it is not I or the Christian church who has named this action as such, but God Himself. Read Romans 1:20-32

Without the forgiveness of sin, each of us would face eternity in hell without God. Even my sin is covered by Christ's death on the cross and my sin, even though it may not be in the same category as your, is still abominable in God's eyes. And I must be made whole in his eyes and He did that for me by His death on the Cross. John 15:16

I find this conversation very stimulating and would very much wish to continue it, if from your view point you see some benefit coming from it all.

Otherwise, I love you and pray our Lord Jesus Christ shows Himself to you and that it would be well with you in this life. Luke 19:21-22

Sincerely,

Mark Maine

Chairman & CEO

-------------------------------------------

Dear Mark,

The reason that I wanted to agree to disagree was because I knew you'd stand rigidly. With your feet pressed firmly against exacting verses from the Bible, I doubt you'd be shaken. And, sadly, I certainly doubt that you would surrender your ammunition to open your heart and really listen.

I'm me. Chad Gurley. I'm a Christian who happens to be gay. And, honestly, I'm okay with that. And I am more than willing to have that conversation with God on judgement day. But that's mine and His conversation alone. You're blessed that you don't have that one. God made each of us very different, Mark, in order for us to communicate Jesus Christ's love to every human on the planet. Think about Christ's disciples themselves, Peter, John, Thomas, Andrew, all of them, were special, unique and necessary. They were their own. They each had their own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As, also, you do. As I do.

I love Christ more than life itself. What He did for me was amazing. I humbly hope that I can show as much love to people as He did. For isn't that what it's really all about? Loving each other. LOVE. The Golden Rule.

And before you jump into some of Paul's letters, remember that Paul said that it was the only thing! You could speak in tongues but if you didn't have love you were nothing. You could give everything you had to the poor, but if you didn't have love you were nothing. Furthermore, he stated that all laws pass away unto that one, for when one loves others unconditionally, he will not sin. Faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is Love.

I'm sorry I can't offer you a more interesting debate, for I will be me aside from the squibble-squabble of the world around me. God loves me just the way I am. His love for me will never change. Jesus loves me, this I know. His grace floods over me and saves. I strive for perfection in love for Him.

God's love for us is the only truth.

All my love always,

Chad

FLIGHT : Happy

Sent: 4/10/2002 8:18 PM

The weather is divine. Today, after work, I walked home through Riverside Park. Off to my left, in a grassy knoll, I saw a couple laying in the sun pecking kisses. Just above them, on the bank, was a guy in a 30's cap strumming his guitar. I had to join.

The sun was so relaxing. The breeze was so comforting. I felt so peaceful. The melody of the guitar just behind me, the moving current of the river just in front. Blue sky beyond the halo of budding tree tops. I felt like a women's commercial, easy, free, and beautiful. =)

Between me and the river flowed joggers. Some of the were encased in sweat, huffing and puffing, struggling down the pike. They were working so hard for 'something'. It was almost as if they didn't know it was a beautiful day outside at all. They seemed so concentrated on 'something', that they weren't noticing a thing.

Then, out of the blue appeared this girl on the grassy knoll. Spotlighted by the sun, she did a ballet leap and spin. She smiled threw up her arms in the ecstacy of the day. Her body looked hugged by the awesome weather. I was amazed. I laughed. She was so happy. She made me so happy!

Happy! What a nice word.

FLIGHT : Tereshima

Sent: 4/9/2002 6:43 PM

I played hopstotch with a little girl in the check-cashing place today. Her name was Tereshima, if I remember correctly. I kept getting it wrong because she would mumble it, shyly. Just say it! =) Finally, she blurted it out, phonetically, for me. Very cute behind her new little burst of confidence. It was a beautiful day today.

FLIGHT : Annoyed with the World

Sent: 4/8/2002 7:25 PM

I'm so annoyed with people in the world today. I'm sorry, but I just have to vent for a second. What the hell is going on out there? Is anyone listening at all? Does anyone have a heart? LOVE.

Alright, first off, PLEASE don't send me another letter saying, oh praise God that we have a Christian president. I'll scream! I am absolutely sick of that. So just what IS your definition of Christian? Does Christ's words, "Love your enemy," ring any truth in your ear. You don't love your enemy so much that you bomb them. An eye for an eye is the Old Testament.

Secondly, can someone please tell me what's going on in the Catholic Church? No one loves his flock in that way. I'm absolutely enraged. And so very saddened that things like this are occuring in houses of God. Loving someone else is NEVER taking advantage of him or her, especially their weaknesses. Hello? Is anybody out there?

And, I'll tell you, I'm sick and tired of my America trying to be some big-shot, fucking hot, strongest, most powerful, most selfish country in the world. SICK OF IT! Just who do the hell do we think we are? The Holy War is almost as old as the world itself. A little 200 year old country called the U.S.A. is not going to be able to band-aid that one, or fix it, or solve it; unless we're LOVING the hell out of all of them, equally!

Oh, and another thing, please don't try to impress me. Don't try to be someone that you think I want, because I definitely don't want that. Don't throw words around to try to induce a favorable response from me. You see: I want you to be you. Only you. Don't layer yourself with anything. Please.

Are you thinking? Are you listening? Are you praying?

CHAPTER 2 : Flow

Sent: 4/6/2002 9:05 PM

In New York, when one is walking down the street, he drifts in a sea of faces. The faces are unfamilar to him, and he is quickly swept into the river happening in his direction. Yes, he might occasionally spot one or another whom he wonders to himself about their life journeys' thus far; how it must be going for them, what are their feelings, where are they going just now? But, nevertheless, they remain nameless, and his ponderings are merely imaginative daydreams.

Last night, I was blessed. Last night, I didn't have to dream. The sea of faces flowing into my front door immediately made unique and special creeks around me. Each one having his or her own nooks, burbles, and splashes. Each one with his or her own name. Each one with his or her very own beautiful face. And each one streaming through his or her own extraordinary journey through life. Last night, I was blessed with some divine water from some amazing creeks.

I have to say, I really like your flow.

CHAPTER 2 : Moments in the Meantime

Sent: 4/4/2002 4:26 PM

Well, guys and gals, I'm sorry that I've been out of touch with you lately. To tell you the truth, I've been feeling a little out of touch with myself. And, so far, that feeling hasn't subsided. Where am I going now? What am I doing now? The impatient "now". Patience is proving to be my hardest lesson in life.

"When God closes a door, He opens a window"; this is true. In fact, I've experienced it many times before. Yes, I certainly believe with all my heart that a window awaits me following the closed door by school's rejection. I know something is just around the corner. I just can't seem to find comfort in the wait. I struggle. I moan. I hurry. I groan. This "in the meantime" seems an eternity.

But it's not.

This "in the meantime" is merely a few moments in time. Moments in which I continue hoping. Moments in which I continue trusting. Moments in which I continue loving.

God, please give me patience.

Faith.