FLIGHT : it's hot in here, geez

Sent: 6/25/2002 10:48 PM

Today, I finally installed my air-conditioning unit for two reasons.

#1. During one of the hottest, most humid nights of the summer, I tossed and turned in sweaty annoyance last night . So many burning questions ignited my mind. What were the justifications for cooly conditioned air? Luxury or necessity. Too darn hot. Just too darn hot.

#2. Lacking a screen over my window, the blood thirsty mosquitos from the river below sneeked their way into my sweltering abode. My ankles and feet are covered in their red, plump evidence. Ouch. Scratch, scratch. Ouch.

Yes, this air-conditioning box has been installed in my window.

But I gotta tell you, I'm really going to miss having that window wide open, and the cool breezes of drier summer nights rounding my chimes before breaking into my room. Maybe the humidity will break?

It's hot in here, geez.

FLIGHT : Our temporary neighbors

Sent: 6/24/2002 1:13 PM

A homeless couple has taken short-term residence in our stairwell leading to the roof. I’ve passed them lying on their recovered (formerly someone’s garbage) sofa cushions a few times on my way roofward to howl at the moon. They are so overly apologetic. So much so that Al “sorried” his way onto the roof to join me an evening or so ago. My countless, “It’s alright”s and “Don’t worry, it’s okay”s finally gave way to him crouching near me for a moment. Again apologizing, he told me that he was going to go to the welfare office the next day and that he was hoping that he and his girlfriend could be out of their situation very soon. They were really sorry and really embarrassed to have to be doing that, and they weren’t doing drugs or any of that shit, they had just hit hard times. Truly the economy is bad. I have friends without work. I offered Al whatever help I could, but he said they were going to be fine, and apologized again for having to take shelter in our stairwell. Just to think about sleeping there! It was troublesome. “Anything’s better than the street,” he said, and his words spoke a clear reality that I have been blessed to never know. His everyday was something I could only faintly imagine. Nevertheless, I felt it deeply sitting there beside him as our lives met rather distinctly and was saddened that in a land of so much plenty, their reality even had to exist. Wanting so much to give, rather stupidly, I offered at least a blanket, but they declined thankfully, saying it was hot. Yes, it is summer. They warmed smiles and thanked me for “everything”. And I thought I hadn’t done enough. I wished them good times ahead, and, more immediately, a comfortable night.

“Sweet dreams!” the girlfriend called out to me as I rounded the corner towards our apartment door. I smiled. “You too!” If she’s joyfully offering them to someone else, then she must be hopeful for them too. =)

Where there is hope, there is a way.

God bless Al and his girlfriend! In Jesus Christ’s name.

FLIGHT : Blissful without the ignorance

Sent: 6/23/2002 11:59 PM

So many people that I have met lately think that I've only just arrived to New York, when in fact, I've lived here 7 years. I think there is this running theory that only those new to New York City are able to exude fresh, natural bliss, and those living here for longer have all become jaded, hardened hearts.

I beg to contradict the theory.

FLIGHT : Lightening bugs of a different kind

Sent: 6/19/2002 12:35 PM


Lightening bugs of a different kind
Illuminate in ecstacy’s yearning delight.
If only my glow was as apparent
Or if there existed a furthering of your sight.

Short fall.
Stand tall.


My birthday is quickly approaching. In fact, it’s in mere days. Do you know how old I will be? 29. That’s deep.

It’s the end of my twenties. It’s the year before a numerical beginning in my life. And what does that mean to me?

Honestly, I’m not exactly sure. I don’t know how I feel about any of it. Nevertheless, my emotions are raging all over the spectrum. From utter peace while upon wooded areas lending a dark twilight set for multitudes of spotted lights - to – subwayed, silently, simultaneously singing, cussing out all those who have wronged me in my existence here. Raging! Emotions. Yes, I’m guessing they don’t know how they feel about any of this birthday business either. I feel like I’m in a state of chaos in a lot of ways. God bless the ignorant one who stumbles upon my path this week.

xoxo
love

FLIGHT : Luck became superstitious

Sent: 6/15/2002 12:15 PM


Luck became superstitious hence
Lost its value along the way:
Sights of heads-up pennies entice
From the gray pavement below.
Shiny red metal, value itself,
Plus beyond.

If picked up.
If picked up.

Luck became superstitious hence
Lost its value along my way:
Coins thrown by God
For chanceful goodness ahead?
God is always Good. It is true.
Something He promised.

I believe.
I believe.

Luck became superstitious hence
Lost its value along Christ’s way:
He was not lucky when Judas kissed Him on the cheek.
He was not lucky when they lead Him away to Calvary.
But, Praise God He wasn’t lucky. Praise our Father for His eternal sight!
Christ wasn’t lucky to give us blessings overflowing.

We’re blessed with Something
Much more than just chance.

Blessings.
Blessings.

FLIGHT : Poet and didn't know it

Sent: 6/14/2002 6:20 PM


it's a wonder to me
no one seems to understand
it's confusing to me
everyone interprets differently
it's enlightening to me

=)

I have been enlightened to realize that no matter what I write, no matter what words you read here, there will be at least one person that will interpret what I say differently than the way I meant it. It has proved a given, and I would think rightly so, for how could any of you really be in my head, to know the intention and inflection of my written words. Nevertheless, I could find it a stumbling block in saying what I say truthfully. There is the desire in me to make my verse so all-emcompassing that not one person in the world could misinterpret what I write. But is that really achievable? And at what point do I start compromising myself in doing so?

I am giving poetry a little go, as you might have seen from "beginnings". Poetry. Yikes! The first poems I ever wrote were in a creative writing class in college. I'm afraid they were quite lite and lyrical and dark in their ignorance. No, I didn't really give it a true 'go' back then. Honestly, I thought poetry in the modern era was beginning to decline, and I didn't think it would be something worth perfecting. Yes, I'm awful.

But after September 11th, when I wrote, "the new american" for a writing class I was taking at Columbia, I found a wonderous new fervor for poetic verse. And because of that, I'm going to try to spend a little more time being a poet, as well as a writer. A true 22nd century poet/writer? Who can say just now?

Only God knows if The American Renissance is at hand. =)

FLIGHT : beginnings

Sent: 6/14/2002 11:59 AM


I am gladfully captured in Your sweet embrace

Grace

and this love inside me seems to burst
"bye" plip
but cannot seem to bust
'argh' plop
slow my pace
bored
what to do?


a n t i c i p a t i o n =)

Beauty to come
for surely I'll see
I'll never forsake You
tis for You will I Be
Love overflows
from Your Mercy on High

why then am I hesitant
to let my love shine?

I ‘think’ I sense patience
a little more waiting for You?
like things are not quite ready
time must still heal old wounds?

battle scars from life are many . . .

Ahh

You kiss them better sweetly
and Love me from ear to ear
kissplops of tulip petals
bronzing every wear

Thank You for my everything
words cannot begin to express
the most amazing gratitude
that comes from my heart

You gave me the will to Live.
And that was just the
Start.

* * *

No more waiting.
Love shine now.
Beauty will come.

Trust.
Have Faith.
Believe.

Praise be to God!
In Jesus Christ's name,
Amen

FLIGHT : Slobbery

Sent: 6/11/2002 5:59 PM

I have become a slob. I'm blessed with grace. I hope that this slobbery will linger only briefly, for I usually get such a headache over messes. Come to think of it, my head throbs a little while I look around my room just now. Clothes all over the floor. Yes, ALL over the floor. Bed in disarray. Papers and unopened letters piled up to the lamp shade on my nightstand. Just what is going on in here? It looks like, somewhere along the way, I became disenchanted and fell into a sleep, leaving nothing done.

Wake up Chad!

FLIGHT : Let's Go Fly a Kite

Sent: 6/9/2002 3:01 PM

Just now I watched from my roof, a rainbowed kite soaring high beyond another building's rooftop. I remember the story told to me about Ben Franklin who discovered electricity by lightening hitting a kite which held a copper key. I'm not sure that is exactly how it was discovered; nevertheless, it did make me think of kites and the people at Franklin's time flying them.

The time of no electricity. No television, radio, or com-puters. It was a time when people entertained each other. And a time when each person had to find his or her own form of discovery. And somewhere along time, one way began through flying a kite. He or she found a beautiful way to watch the wind.

The wind is truly amazing to me. There is something so mysterious in the way it travels across every orifice of our earth, and yet so powerfully invisible. I feel it blow and breeze. I know its direction and its strength. It IS there. But my eyes do not see it.

Although I'm not standing on my rooftop any longer, my kite soars far beyond me. It's not much, but it's wonderfully colored happy. Invisible blows and breezes of our Father's holy Wind throw me up and catch my falls. Snapshots could not capture its complete and utter beauty.

Praise be to God! And more thank-you's than could fill Your divine universe.

This is the time of Weather to fly a kite and hope for a Jolt.

FLIGHT : Lamb Ego

Sent: 6/3/2002 1:42 PM

I see a lot of it among the Christian community. It is proudness of being Christian gone boastful of eternal life gone arrogant of being chosen, and it’s definitely not the Christian I want to be. These ego-driven little golden lambs run around clothed in God’s seal, yet, flaunting, they choose to show it off at the edge of God’s protection, just out of any grasps. They dangle their most holy seal, like a trinket on a chain, just out of reach of those they think are wolves and seem delight in that they are “Special”. It’s a childish game of we win, you lose, what you gonna do about it? Shameful.

Are you feeling so proud that you do not recognize the little muddyed sheep among the ferocious worldly wolves struggling towards you looking for your help? Do you taunt them? Do you dangle Christ’s love from their fingertips?

Shan’t we ask Christ if they may come into our pasture also? They are sheep. And Christ is everyone’s shepherd.

That’s what love is all about.

FLIGHT : Sing!

Sent: 6/5/2002 2:56 PM

The music from a voice is like a tide to my back just now as I sit on my bed. Warm, it ripples in, gliding over my every. I must say I love listening to singers. It is the one thing that has comforted me in the most amazing ways throughout my life. Every artist I have listened to frequently and consistently has spoken a voice that was also within me sometime during my existence. Listening now, my memory surfs in those single moments in time that are only pulled forth by those chords, those words, that voice. It causes me to recall my life's soundtrack, and I wonder. The stories.

We instinctively want to sing. Born deep within us, whether we can carry a tune or not, our kind sings. For us shy types in today's culture, we are fortunate to find great solace in the ability of singing in our hearts. You see me standing there in the subway car, in my headphones. My face in a grin and lost in another world. Pull back the drape and see inside: My booming soul, mic in hand, singing its heart out!

It's my hope that someday, you'll see me Somewhere else entirely, without headphones. My face in a grin and lost in another world. My booming soul singing its heart out, behind an invisible drape. And, you'll be able to hear it.

Please forgive me if I crack a note here or there. Puberty was rough.

FLIGHT : The Riverside Church

Sent: 6/4/2002 6:41 PM

You know, I joined, but I don't think I ever really said much about the ministry. I'll let it speak for itself. The Riverside Church Mission:

"The Riverside Church seeks to be a community of faith. Its members are united in the worship of God known in Jesus, the Christ, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. The mission of The Riverside Church is to serve God through word and witness; to treat all human beings as sisters and brothers; and to foster responsible stewardship of all God’s creation.

The Riverside Church commits itself to welcoming all persons, celebrating the diversity found in a congregation broadly inclusive of persons from different backgrounds of race, economic class, religion, culture, ethnicity, gender, age, and sexual orientation. Members are called to an individual and collective quality of life that leads to personal, spiritual, and social transformation, witnessing to God’s saving purposes for all creation.

Therefore, The Riverside Church pledges itself to education, reflection, and action for peace and justice, the realization of the vision of the heavenly banquet where all are loved and blessed."

It's a special place.

FLIGHT : Will I forever be misunderstood?

Sent: 6/3/2002 1:43 PM

Will I forever be misunderstood? Are those that hear me simply unable to listen or are they so consumed with being "right" that they forget I am on their Side? It is confusing to me.

I am trying so hard to be ultimately encouraging. Does my discontent with the global today show so thoroughly through the lines of my prosed thought? Personal prose written simply to invite everyone to join me in genuinely thinking, furthermore praying, about some Real things? To do some real Soul searching about individual life and its meaning in the grand scheme of things. I'm afraid my discontent is bred from impatience. I want to say, wake up sleepy heads. But He pulls on me, saying, all in good time. All in good time.

FLIGHT : Never violence.

Sent: 6/2/2002 1:32 PM

On the Gay Christian Outreach website there was a message from the Presidental Prayer Partners. It shocked me. Such a non-separation of church and state. There is a very good reason for that inspiration our founding fathers of America had the insight of providing us. Let it be known that I do not support President Bush. I do not support any vengeful actions that would lead to the harm of another human being. Furthermore, I do not support war on a WORD! I think it is utter foolishness! It will do nothing but cause more strife for all parties involved. Lives are lost daily at the sake of that single word. Those souls are shown to the Lord. The day President George W. Bush felt the Divine authority to "hunt down and punish" was the day I lost faith in him as the leader of our country. Christ's message is one of Love. Never violence.

In fact, I think He even restored the servant's ear.