BEGINNINGS : Journal Entry #4 - Expression
Sent: 7/11/2001 10:49 AM
Leaving my date with MDL at 8:30 p.m. last night, I thought I was going to be really late for the poetry reading I had promised Nez I would not only attend but also participate in. I hopped off the train at the
As I approached the door, I again felt uncertain about whether or not I could go through with reading the prose piece that I had written in front of people. The piece was really good, naturally, (haha) but pretty personal, and I just didn't think I wanted to share that much of myself with strangers.
Sweating from the sprint, I opened the door and stepped inside. The bar was empty. Okay, okay, the bartender was there and Nez and a cricket. That was it. Nez was drowning herself in a beer. "Is it over?" I asked. She looked up and smiled. "Yeah, you just missed it" she said sarcastically. I sat down next to her, "Well, I'll read my piece as soon as that cricket finishes his if you want me to." Poor Nez. All that work, putting up flyers, pulling together pieces to read, only to find no one interested. Granted, it is Queens AND it IS a bar in Queens - not the premier place to read thoughtful poetry in
I went home not long after that, thinking about the night. A cool breeze skipped around the street. The sky was clear minus the couple of stars and couple of clouds. I picked a daisy from someone’s yard and twirled it in my fingers as I walked home. This was great thinking time. God, I had spent an hour talking to MDL on that date, but, now that I thought about it, I really didn’t disclose anything. I had gone to a poetry slam, but didn’t get to read. I even talked with Nez and Leo briefly, but couldn’t really find the words to express myself. It had been a night of leaving things left unsaid.
And, I guess that’s the moment I decided that it was time to say some things. And I am.
