BEGINNINGS : Living with a Celebrity and his #1 fan

Sent: 7/15/2001 6:50 PM

Do you know what's it's like to have someone adore you, admire you, look up to you? Do you know what it's like to have a fan who practically worships you and/or the ground you walk on? Do you know what's it like to have someone think SO MUCH of you that they will clean your apartment spotless from top to bottom like it's never been cleaned before?

Neither do I. Leon, on the other hand, seems to have stumbled upon a fan of his. Really, I feel like I'm living with Madonna with her number one fan staying as a houseguest. Believe it or not, as I sit here writing this, J.J. is, only in underwear, in our bathroom in our bathtub, the water running, sponge in one hand, Comet in the other scrubbing every single crevice that is Leon's bathroom. I guess he has decided to make the conditions liveable for his idol, meanwhile benefiting the idol's roommate, I have to snicker. But the funny thing is that I feel a little pissed?

I can't believe that the living conditions weren't already liveable when the fan had come to stay. And I guess, honestly, it's a little hard for me to see someone adore Leon so much, in a different way than me.

I sat while J.J. walked over to the shelf where a picture of Leon sits. In the photograph, Leon is frozen timeless in midst of a dance move. His body pushing his arm upward towards the sky, his eyes in a flutter. The shadows in his arm deepen romantically in the black and white photo. It's a wonderful picture of him. J.J. took it off the shelf and swooned, "I love this picture of Leon." I smiled and looked back at the magazine I was thumbing through.

"I mean," he said sitting next to me wanting me to look with him, "he looks like he really feels what his body is doing. That's what I finally want to accomplish as a dancer. See, I feel like I'm doing something in dance, but only to watch the video to discover that what I'm feeling is not what people are seeing. What I want someday, is for people to be able to see what I'm feeling." He looked down at the photo. "I know what Leon is feeling here."

I agreed. Leon was, in that moment, truly feeling. His body seemed to be a perfect representation of his soul at that very second. That is what the picture said.

J.J. stood with the frame in hand and walked over to the kitchen table. "God, I LOVE this picture," he exclaimed and then thoughtfully and slowly looked towards me with adore in his eyes, "Leonardo is amazing." With that he took the glass from the frame and began to pick at something which stuck to it, "Do you have any windex?"

Before I vomitted, I motioned towards the pantry. Who did this guy think he was talking to? Jealousy erupted into my thoughts, Damnit, I know Leonardo much, MUCH better than you do, Mr. Clean! Yes, Leonardo IS amazing but I know exactly what makes him really and truly amazing, you asshole!!! But, as these words were not vocalized, and because only my thoughts were angry at that moment, I decided to hang out on the roof alone for a while. I guess that was when I gave him the space to do what he had been longing to do since he came; "#1. Clean Leonardo's apartment."

Thought: I really like J.J. a lot, but I don't think I'm ready to join J.J.'s fan club.