Sent: 7/29/2001 11:48 PM
Okay, so I couldn't resist telling a story that my sister told me:
Tara went down to Gulf Shores recently for a vacation. It was some major fun in the sun, or so she says. She says she going to write me a letter all about it. It's okay Tara, I can imagine. Let's just say she had a good time. She and her friends got to know quite a few people around the town. They were 'socialites' as it were and image is everything. Okay, that was Chad talking. Just butting in. Keep going. One night . . .
Going clubbing later that night, Tara had dressed in a little black top with a gold snake on the front with a ruby eye. She liked the shirt. She thought she looked really good in it. She smiled at herself in the mirror. What a great find!
She and two other friends were driving down the street, feeling pretty siked about the night. They were rolling down the windows. They were letting their hair down. They were excited about being out on the town. And, they were also really hungry. So they stopped off at a little restaurant on the way. It was one of those restaurants where they knew they could get some good fish and perhaps a nice beverage. But it was just a pit stop on the way to fun.
They walked in the door. A blonde blueeyed Floridian hostess approached them. "Three." one of Tara's friends said. The hostess smiled revealing every 55 teeth she had in her mouth, checked her list, looked around, grabbed three menus and then said, "Right this way." Suddenly, Tara felt a little funny. Suddenly, it seemed like the restaurant grew very quiet just before this man yelled out, "What? Is that a gold turd on your shirt?"
As the words, "gold turd" richoted in Tara's brain, she spun around to find that all eyes were on her. Everyone was examining the front of her shirt. Behind the screening made of hand, a woman whispered something to her husband.
Tara backed away from all the eyes. Then quickly followed her friends to the table. She noticed the restaurant turning to look at her while she passed them. Their necks like giraffes. They were all straining for a look at that gold turd on her shirt.
Tara sat at the table and noticed all the commotion around her. Everyone looking. That asshole, she thought to herself trying to pull her attention from everyone looking for the gold turd. One of her friends had opened a menu, "So, what are you guys gonna have?" Tara looked at her. "What?" she said, surprised and shocked. Her friend looked at her curiously, "What are you going to have for dinner?" she said.
Closing her menu, Tara looked at both of them. She took a brief look around to make sure no waiters were listening. "Did you hear that guy ask me if that was a gold turd on my shirt?"
"Yeah." one said. "Yeah, I heard him." The other stated while pushing her water glass towards the salt shaker.
"WELL?" Tara asked, flabbergasted.
"Well what?"
Tara began in a whisper "Well, that man just asked me why I had a gold turd on my shirt. I don't know why, but I think that's a big deal. I think it's a big deal because, number one, he asked it rather loudly. Everyone in the restaurant heard him blurt out," she whispered softly, 'Why do you have a gold turd on your shirt.' He pratically yelled it. Everyone heard him. And number two, this isn't a turd! This is a snake with a ruby red eye."
"Really?" one friend laughed examining it, "I always thought it was a dragon."
After a moment of silently glaring, Tara said softly but firmly, "No. This is a gold snake with a ruby red eye. Dragons have feet. You'll notice that this gold snake does not have feet; therefore, it couldn't be a dragon."
Tara sighed, "Now everyone in this restaurant is wondering if I really do have a gold turd on my shirt," she talked a little loudly, "which I do not, thank you very much."
"Tara, that guy is crazy. Do you really care about what he thinks about your shirt?"
Tara looked at her friend, "No, no I don't. It's just that . . . "
"Then shut-up, open your menu and choose something to eat, I'm starving."
